Till one day
When you finally stop crying from hurt caused by loved ones

Till one day
When every single smile is genuine
When you can sincerely care for everyone

You realise you've accepted everything
and with hope, love and despair tied on your back

You'll walk into
The reality of life

Monday, September 17, 2007

Moved

http://purply-bag.blogspot.com

:D

just So rAndom

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Urgh. Will my dad ever make up his mind?
Or do I have to keep getting annoyed at him for every other word he speaks?

*We really do talk that little.

Heh. He asked me if I was eating lesser at home because I was gaining weight.

-.- I don't even know my weight dad.

Not to mention that I eat a lot in school, so I eat less at home because I'm not hungry.

Hmm... Maybe it's a bad habit.

Anyways, Lynette's got a new blog, but I'm not sure if I can show it to everyone...

>.< We had a conversation using her blog post. LOL.

And Harriet.

Thank you for that paragraph! It's an encouragement for me to go on until I lose my drive again. LOVE YA. <33

just So rAndom

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Shock.
A sense of betrayal.
Yet disbelief.
Resignation yet again.

五分钟热度. How right those old guys back then were...
Nothing happy last for long.
That fragile bubble built barely days ago is about to burst.

Abby oh Abby.
Trust me to turn to you to seek what I couldn't find over here.
I've been 'beta-ing' for you, then you suddenly reveal you have another.
I wonder if she's equally shocked at me.
You did say that we had similarities...
Perhaps I was more interested in satisfying my curiosity then at the task at hand...

I hate sleeping late, I'm simply respond too slowly the next morning...

just So rAndom

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another even as I have lover you. By this, all men would know that you are My disciplines, and that you have love for one another.

John 13:34,35.

Right. Compassion. I must remember about commpassion....

just So rAndom

We all long to belong
We all need to be needed
Loneliness is our disease
Insecure and slef-sufficient;
Building up walls instead of bridges

- Together; Krystal Meyers

Was clearing my media library and I stumbled upon this song that Azalea had sent me. Perhaps it's a little reminder that God has once-again sent me.

There is no room to breathe; I am under water
I can't stand to take the heat; and it's getting hotter
'cause all I am dying to hold on to;
is slowly digging me a grave

- Shake it Off; Krystal Meyers

Thank you God, thank you for sending an insufferable ego-maniac to remind me that I treat life too seriously. Thank you God, thank you for letting me stumble upon the song, thank you for letting me actually listen to the lyrics and registering it in my mind. And most of all, thank you for letting me befriend my jie Zae, for her to forgive me for my moment of folly, for her to embrace me for who I am, and of course, for her to think of sending me the songs which led me to remember what I had.

I won't hold on to what I have now, I'll leave it to the work of God. I will have to work on befriending more people hunh?

Heh. I'm starting to apologise all over again, I guess I need some humbling every now and then.

Let me think, basically this will be deidicated to Azalea, Hannah, Lynette, Cui Xiao, Elvira, Sophy and lastly to everyone who reads this blog - actually should be those who tag hor?

To Azalea, my dearest jie who stuck by me even though she was mad, who apologises when I'm really the one at fault, who just keeps that smile on her face when it concerns me and my silent problems.
Heh. I'm really really sorry for my posts, serious. I'll remove it as soon as I'm done with this. I'm sorry for not trying to understand what you're going through, as needy as your Chris sounds like. I'm sorry for brushing you off when I'm not too happy. For just being nonchalent when you ask me if I'm ok. For turning you away when I need you most and even question you about your sincerity. Heh, don't I just sound like a emotionally-needy person?

Hannah, the one I considered my best friend until something unseen guided us to drift apart.
Can you imagine, your boyfriend's kaypoh friend wants to know what went on between the both of us. That was more than enough encouragement to reflect on the past. I want to apologise, for not trying to put on your shoes and understand what you felt with your parents baring down on you with razor-sharp teeth. And I didn't think to ask if your back was ok the day I got mad and hit you because of my phone. I'm so sorry, I thought that because the week before, I clearly remembered whacking you and you seemingly weren't affected by it. I just want to make it clear, it's not that I don't care, it's just that I wasn't fully aware about your back problem. So I thought you were playing up the entire scene to gain empathy or sympathy or whatever you call it. Which does say a lot, seeing that I didn't know, or didn't remember so much about you, that I doubted you. I don't even know a lot about the heart problem that you once mentioned to me. Then in Sarawak, when I got annoyed because you wanted to pack everything up. That one I fully accept responsibility, that I was too caught-up with wanting to get there on time, probably to look good for the teachers? Heh. I guess now that everything between us is merely a collection of memories that are collecting dust, only then do I fully realise how stupid and dumb, and unappreciative I have been. I know you probably don't trust me anymore, that you think I was someone who said something but thought another. But I promise you, you were really a best friend that I had, you opened my eyes to so much, you taught me a lot in your own style. And I just want to tell you that I admire you for not breaking down to tears on the bad days we got our common tests back. And that I am aware that I was insensitive regarding test results back then. But it's a little too late now isn't it? It would seem that I tried patching up with the wrong attitude at the right time, but I tried patching up with a better attitude at the wrong time, when everything's just over. I'm so sorry...

And yes Daniel, I hope you're happy and satisfied, I am jealous. Not of Azalea of her friendship with Hannah. Wait, how do I phrase this. I'm jealous about Azalea and Hannah being friends, but about the way it's shown. The way they can communicate without awkward pauses. The way that Azalea won't drift off to someone else when we can't think of something to say. The way Hannah listens to Azalea. I'm jealous of their friendship, yes me. I didn't admit it but I do now.

I can't believe I shed so many tears already, and that it's taken half an hour to get me to this stage. I'm such a fool.

Lynette, my ex-partner. I have been distant this few days haven't I? I'm not even gonna worry about the consequences already, I've lost too much to care. Frankly speaking, I was kinda unhappy because of the little work you put in for the art project. *I'm anticipating that you're saying "What'ver, this so crap luh, I don't want to read anymore* I don't know luh, I always thought it as insensitive, but you weren't aware of it, so I'm telling you now. I can imagine how hurt Jaspreet would have been if she heard that when you took a look at her fic. Tell me, how would you have felt if I told you the same thing? What if I had told you that I thought your fic wasn't worth reading, let alone a second glance? I took you as a best friend yet you didn't even bother to glance at the fic that I wanted to show you, that I wrote myself. I enjoy the times we have spent together, the impromtu karoke sessions in the afternoons, even if I often felt a flash of inferiority, that you were so much better than me in so many ways, if you fully ultilized them. Maybe I'm just being stupid to you, maybe I've gone bonkers...

Cui Xiao, heh, I can remember the times when I yelled at you. Sorry 'bout that, and thank you for helping out for the art! Frankly speaking, I wasn't even expecting you to do anything, maybe I have good persuasion skills eh? We ARE friends right?

Elvira, pretty much the last person I would expect to read my blog, but since I even wrote something to Cui Xiao, I have to type something to you as well. My fellow Dong Bang-crazy classmate! Heh. How many videos have we watched about them? Even if I don't like Lee Min Ki as much as Kim Jong Kook, I still like LMK and think he's sweet ok! And Chae Yeon should go with Jong Kook! Even if the one he remembers is Jin Suk and not Chae Yeon. LOL.

*My tears are FINALLY slowing. Thank God*

Sophy. LOL. OK fine, I do go into a high when I see you online. You're my number one happiness-inducing human morphine? :D Don't work so hard hor, I haven't even started my preparations yet luh. Then most I ever did was three chapters of geog on agriculture that I read through in three hours. THREE HOURS. Like, a paragraph registered in my mind every ten minutes?

EVERYONE ELSE OUT THERE.
Namely Petrina, Amelia, Harriet, occasionally Jessie, and I don't know who else. I don't exactly keep track of who comes and reads my blog.
Petrina : Even if you DID disappear from my tagboard for a long time... You're still considered one of the pernament, wacky residents of it! HAH.
Amelia : Bmpf. Don't post anymore emo posts can? I read only want to post somemore emo ones loh. And I'm trying to not be emo here luh.
Harriet : I'm glad you got your phone back! But you dao-ed my reply for a while le... HEH. WHATTHEHECK did you do to get into so much trouble? :O
Jessie : Thank you for your help with the art. Our group was the one filled with the outsiders, it's a miracle that we actually managed to complete the assignment within the second deadline.
WHOEVER ELSE IT MAY CONCERN : Thank you for reading my blog, though it would be nice for you peeps to tag once in a while you know? Just to let me be reassured that I still have readers around.

Maybe I should consider getting that stats recorder or something...

And while my nose is still red, I'm happy to let go of everything and leave it up to God's hands, with a little work on my part anyway. Never has God been so close to me before, I am truly blessed :)

So I'll do my best to post no more emo post, even if posting if the simplest way to express my feelings, I gotta work on expressing my emotions, not repressing it when it concerns my friends.

just So rAndom

Elvira roots for Eun Hye and Min Ki;
Which means I can root for Chae Yeon and Jong Kook.
WAHAHAHA...
I can't believe that Eun Hye actually chose HAHA once.
:O

just So rAndom

OK, just being lame with Elvira sitting next to you :)
I LOVE YOU ELVIRA! <333
OK, spastic-ness. Erm. What to blog.
There's no mass run.
OKAYY. Lee Min Ki.
The sweet, shy guy who fought against Kim Jong Kook for Eun Hye's love.
Sadly, he lost. Wowee.
Eun Hye's One Man took up arms and thrashed him down. :(
But I root for Chae Yeon and Jong Kook :D
*Elvira just "eyy..." me. :O
I thought she supported it!
OK fine, Eun Hye and Jong Kook are ok luh.
Chae Yeon's the ultimate sweetness!
CHOCOLATE, I want more chocolate :)

just So rAndom

Monday, September 10, 2007

I just found out that I have more than five foreign christmas songs, and I have no english christmas songs in my tablet. Wowee. Not to mention that I majority are sung by DBSK and one is was Card Captor Sakura, so if I haven't deleted off more songs from CCS, I just might find another Japanese Christmas song. LOL.

just So rAndom

Jessie's sitting next to me, trying to get me to camhore with her, I'm not in the mood.
She can call me emo, but I'm damned pissed as it is.
Flash wants to fight against me, and some just can't cooperate.
I may complain, I may give you that world-weary sigh, I may just roll my eyes, but underneath all those actions, lies a heart who wants to help. I guess you're just not used to it, that you prefer something more straightforward, unlike me who seems to like to beat about the brush.
And Azalea, with that post, I wasn't implying that you were a bimbo. I guess I should have made it clear, should have explained. On the contary, you aren't dumb with loose morals or anything right?
Heh. I started it, and now I feel hurt because she doubted me. And I actually believed her words for those few days, that our friendship was as solid as it seemed.
Ey Amelia, is this font big enough for you to read?
I just finished art. Had to redo the entire flash since the previous file hanged on me while I was trying to save it. Blah. Sucks man, but its saved, and I dumped all the stuff into the cd. Whoots. Now I'll go listen to more music...

just So rAndom

Friday, September 07, 2007

Just got THSK/DBSK's Five in the Black yesterday.

Can I yell at the idiots who wrote 'Zion'? C'mon luh, Koreans singing American-styled songs?Or maybe I'm just biased against it >.< Don't know luh, I feel that the song doesn't do their voices any justice. They sound like they are forcing out those sounds. It's not something natural, quite like they are exploring new territory, but just got whipped in the butt. Which they are anyway, what on earth possessed them to place it as the first song?!

At least Sky is after it :DIt sounds likes, "The krusty crabs with the coo-coo beat... Under the sky". My sister was wondering if it concerned Spongebob Squarepants. Sadly Ying, I highly doubt it does. I still remember the MV, how to identify Micky : Remember the gay purple pants guy (Fullsotop). My sister recognised him in a sec luh, and that's a huge feat, considering that she can't be bothered to learn their names. And I still can't find the lyrics for Sky! Ahh...

I got the music score for Holding Back the Tears! Maybe I'll be motivated to get up and finally brush up my piano-playing skills. I said in my New Year's resolution that I would go practice playing the piano more, but so far, all I've done is to play Oh Macdonalds to demo for my sister. Ain't I the best? But I guess I'll just wait till after the exam...

I really really should start studying, not to mention that my group still has to piece together the stupid art video. URGH. Meeting up today took away precious time to chiong my lit essay and my newspaper reviews.

... It suddenly occured to me, I'm attached to my blog. :O My once-worst nightmare just came true.

Hmm... And I seem to instinctively dislike the songs that were composed by those who appear to westerners. I have something against Dead End as well, O.o
If Changmin didn't look so sweet, I'll buy his part though. Junsu... Forget it, it's simply to weird. How can he sound like that, and yet have a seemingly entirely different personality? Heh. Yunho's and Yoochun's parts are the ones that I'm most receptive to, seems that I think of the other three really differently...

High time get your gooving on..~

-------------------------

LOL. This morning, I was reminded about yesterday's mooncakes.

Well you see... After I finished the mooncakes, I didn't bring the plate back to the kitchen, because I was kinda too lazy... XD So then when my parents came home, I hid it in the cupboard behind me in the study; and totally forgot about it soon after.

Then this morning... My parents sent me to school, and brought up the topic of me being able to eat the five pieces of mooncake, only then did I realise that I had forgotten to keep it. For ten whole minutes, I was squirming in my seat whenever they mentioned mooncakes. Blah, I had to call the house and hope that there were no ants crawling about in the cupboard...

I'm never gonna live it down with my sister.

---------------------------

Imagine my horror when I find that my beloved Awake CD has been scratched.

Now imagine, with my current behaviour, how I might react with either my "O" or 'Five in the Black' CDs got damaged.

Not to mention that the aforementioned cds are not even a year old even after you combine their ages.

(Ok. I'm just being lame.)

>.< I scratched my Awake cd, by Josh Groban. The latest one, I HAD TO scratch the most recent one and not his first, self-titled debut.

I can't play or rip the third track, and it's taking forever to rip the songs into my tablet. But I should count myself lucky, since the third track is Un Dia Llegara, and while I (surprisingly) still remember the song, it isn't the So She Dances or Awake tracks that are affected.

If that had happened, my house wouldn't be very safe right now.

LOL. I listened to Timeless the CHINESE version, sung by Zhang Li Yin and featuring Junsu yesterday. And I think it marred my impression of the song. I commented to Sophy that the song would have been better if sung in Korean or even Japanese as compared to Chinese.(And the Korean one DOES sound nicer.) EEW. I will NEVER ever listen to their chinese songs, it will DRASTICALLY affect my ability to speak Chinese. It's that bad, not that I'm being mean or anything, but their accent made my pronounciation of chinese words really off last night .

I can't remember, but the song reminds me of some Josh Groban song from his second cd Closer. I can't remember what it's called le, it's in either Spanish or French, but I bet it's Spanish.

Yeesh, my tablet really can't rip in the third track, it stops that 30% and WMP doesn't even inform me. Heck, with Groban in my placelist, I'll keep the db fever at bay!

----------------------------------

Lynette still claims that I can sing higher than her, which I beg to differ!

>.< What has my voice sounding muffled gotta do with me sounding lower than it is?

But on a bright side, Lynette says I sounded a tad bit lower when I was talking today. We had to meet up to finish taking the photos for art and I was speaking to Cui Xiao about it. And what's best is, I didn't even notice. So maybe, now if I can speak in a lower pitch without inversely affecting my throat, I might be able to sing lower too! Heh. I can't believe I'm talking about singing when I sound superbly... Bland.

Blah. Everyone's dao-ing me right now. Azalea dao-ed my sms for three hours already, then I don't know if Lynette got my message about compressing and sending the pictures to Cui Xiao.

I just finished a paragraph of the Supernatural essay, and it's damn hard to come up with four points, elaborate on it, and actually conclude it in a saitsfactory manner. I'm just tearing my hair out trying to explain how the witches' inhuman looks create an atmosphere of fear. I know what I'd like to say, but I just can't put it into words...

Haiyuh, just cross my fingers and hope for the best?

And Sophy, were you annoyed with me last night?

just So rAndom

Thursday, September 06, 2007

>.<>

just So rAndom

I finished listening to all the songs I had sung by DBSK in one day.

All six hours of it, no joke, I never got past one hour of Groban and I suddenly 'accomplish' this.





I'm starting to hate myself.









I've changed, haven't I?







but then again, I'm sure Azalea, Hannah and Lynette wouldn't, why would they?







Heh. I'm opening declaring war on something that's so intimately connected to me.
Am I being dumb, am I trying to cling on to the past, or will it make me wiser?





I don't know anymore.
I feel so different

just So rAndom

Yunho's Top 10 Unforgettable Moments

just So rAndom

Blah. I was so overjoyed about the money that I forgot what I wanted to post before.

Anyways, I finally found out how to fully ultilise the hairbands that I bought from Ice Lemon Tee.

:D That is, if I don't mind being unglam, but I'm at home, so no one's gonna comment.

I wearing the bright yellow one with my green shirt.

And it really clashes, but heck.

I needed to keep my fringe outta my eyes mah.

And Lynette was right, my eyelashes seem freakingly long when I saw my reflection in the mirror just now.

It's longer than my bro's! Whoots~

And all this talk about wanting to which eyelashes with him... LOL.

Anyways, better get back to doing math.

I forgot about polygons, my tuition cher is gonna kill me.

And seriously, Yunho sounds so sweet singing the opening lines of Heart, Mind and Soul.

<333


(Yes Lynette, it would seem that it has become a full-blown obsession. And I just remembered that Sophy and Lynette had some NCC test so cannot see her until tonight I think.

Ncc's vision is to... resilient, responsible, loyal, leaders through military activities...

That's as far to what I remember anyway ^^ )

just So rAndom

I'm 300% richer than I was two days ago.
I said I lost my math homework yesterday right?
So I went around the house looking for it, for the entire morning.
Then in the afternoon, after lunch, I found the long-lost keys to the drawer in my clothes cupboard.
And just what? I has $23 in old notes, AND. AND. (This is the best part)





















$75 worth of coins. Thanks to my POSB coin bank that I noticed was in the living room display drawer.
I'm RICH. As in, REALLY REALLY RICH.
I got like, $140 sitting in my drawer right now.
My sister was like, "Whoa Jie, I didn't know that you saved so much when you were younger."
Neither did I, I totally forgot about my coin boxes that I has used.
And I stopped using those coin boxes when I was 7 luh.
Wonder what would I have bought if I had the money years ago?

Anyways, so I asked Sophy if she could order the double cross "O" earrings for.
But was offline, so I'll just go check if she's online now...
:D
Joy to the world...
(and I'm not sarcastic now)

just So rAndom

My dad's out to fetch my sis home, so I'm sneaking some online time in to post some ridiculous thing that I typed while attempting to start my maths homework...

(And it's chinese... O.o)
我想念了你们 。 大家。。。
过了那么多年，你们还会等在那里，等着我回来吗？
我不愿意离开大家，但，我也没设么办法。
我只怕一件事，我回来之后，还有人会记得我吗？
我不想回到家乡才发现大家多忘了我。
我回来之后，我的朋友还在那里吗？
他们会不会像风一样；
一吹就飞舟了。
我朋友还会等着我赶回家呢？
他们会不会还做我的好朋友呢？
过了那么多年，我还记得大家；
但，虽然我记得，并不确定别人会。
我真得很想有一次见面我好友。
我回到这里，是不是白费了？

That’s what listening to I’ll Be There while the language bar is changed to CH Chinese (PRC) with Microsoft word does to you. I’m still listening to the Five in the Black album, 我去吃饭，就全忘了我的电脑。Gargh, I need to brush up on my Chinese skills, it now appears to be a nice language to use as a medium to express my feelings. LOL, or maybe I’m just head-over-heels in love with the Chinese version of Hug?

Mm… ‘Hello Again’ sounds nice; I think I got the music score in some folder in my tablet…

我天天坐在窗口，看着密峰飞来飞去，等着你的电话。
可能是我想错了，可能是我想太多了。
我以为，只要我和你在一起，和你天天谈话，你就是我朋友了。
可能我希望太多了，我的期望对你也没什么。
到了这部，我还是不知道你再想什么。
我以为，只要我永远在你身边，你就会永远陪着我。
你不是说吗？我是个大笨蛋，我想生活要太多了。

Wah, Ai Senai, Ai Shitai also can inspire emo thoughts de, and then Asu wa Kuru Kara had to break the mood J, which I guess is good to a certain extent. I like the meaning of the title – Asu wa Kuru Kara, but I’m still unsure what the lyrics mean. But, but, if the lyrics follow the name of the song, I think I’ll like it. :D

我向你的字没有需要；
我要的不是你没意思的字。
我要的，我所需要的；
我需要的是人们的真心。
只要有你在我身边；
别的事我也不用了。
就这样一件简单的事情；
是那么难做到吗？

Damn, am I gonna type out a small paragraph for every single song that I’m listening to? And I got to finish my maths! Urgh… And I thought that Asu wa Kuru Kara was a soothing song…

我小时候，只会坐在一旁， 自己玩。
直到我长到后，我才发现，我没学到什么。

And I absolutely refuse to try and type out more Chinese sentences that I have no inkling of how they came about. >.< Maybe I’ll just use them for my wallpapers, if I can even find time… DBSK is now a mistake. I’ll have to switch back to Groban again, at least until the EOYs are over. I CANNOT continue harping on them！

It would help if they couldn't sing… Hell.

LOL. Yunho singing what quite sounds like a lullaby at the start of ‘Heart, Mind and Soul’, kawaii ne!

And hello obsession, I just can’t dodge your footsteps huh?

just So rAndom

wantlist (:

Josh Groban's DVDs
DBSK Rising Sun DVD
Digital Camera
DBSK Triangle album
A working mp3
Trip to Korea in autumn

exits

Frequented
Azalea
Lynette
Felicia
Hannah
Petrina
Amelia


Classmates
Azalea
Lynette
Hannah
Petrina
Amelia
Nadine
Amanda K.
Audrey
Eunice
Jasmine
Jia Yi
Joan
Jovina
Petrina (Xanga)
Karen
Ling Ling
Mei Xuan
Sandra
Shermin
Yi Mei
2C1'07
Qiqi


Juniors
Harriet
Christy
Si Hui
1C1'07
Andro


Pei Hwa
Felicia
Wei Yi
Joan
layout and picture by tingshan *[c)
tingshan *[c)
blogskins vintageglitter(:

Rui Qi

100893
Pei Hwa Prebyterian
Crescent Girls
Christian Fellowship
Art Clubber - Treasurer
Class Moniter
Key Holder
Mortal
Mortal-less
Pilgrim Presbyterian at heart
True Way-ian



Loves<3

Josh Groban
Snakiie
Azalea
Hannah
Lynette
Tablet
Chocolate
Ling Ling

Just tag

just so randomised, babeh!