Wishful thinking on my part...

2007-09-17T11:55:00.001+08:00

Moved

http://purply-bag.blogspot.com

:D

2007-09-15T11:55:00.000+08:00

Urgh. Will my dad ever make up his mind?
Or do I have to keep getting annoyed at him for every other word he speaks?

*We really do talk that little.

Heh. He asked me if I was eating lesser at home because I was gaining weight.

-.- I don't even know my weight dad.

Not to mention that I eat a lot in school, so I eat less at home because I'm not hungry.

Hmm... Maybe it's a bad habit.

Anyways, Lynette's got a new blog, but I'm not sure if I can show it to everyone...

>.< We had a conversation using her blog post. LOL.

And Harriet.

Thank you for that paragraph! It's an encouragement for me to go on until I lose my drive again. LOVE YA. <33

2007-09-12T18:47:00.000+08:00

Shock.
A sense of betrayal.
Yet disbelief.
Resignation yet again.

五分钟热度. How right those old guys back then were...
Nothing happy last for long.
That fragile bubble built barely days ago is about to burst.

Abby oh Abby.
Trust me to turn to you to seek what I couldn't find over here.
I've been 'beta-ing' for you, then you suddenly reveal you have another.
I wonder if she's equally shocked at me.
You did say that we had similarities...
Perhaps I was more interested in satisfying my curiosity then at the task at hand...

I hate sleeping late, I'm simply respond too slowly the next morning...

2007-09-11T15:04:00.002+08:00

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another even as I have lover you. By this, all men would know that you are My disciplines, and that you have love for one another.

John 13:34,35.

Right. Compassion. I must remember about commpassion....

2007-09-11T15:04:00.001+08:00

We all long to belong
We all need to be needed
Loneliness is our disease
Insecure and slef-sufficient;
Building up walls instead of bridges

- Together; Krystal Meyers

Was clearing my media library and I stumbled upon this song that Azalea had sent me. Perhaps it's a little reminder that God has once-again sent me.

There is no room to breathe; I am under water
I can't stand to take the heat; and it's getting hotter
'cause all I am dying to hold on to;
is slowly digging me a grave

- Shake it Off; Krystal Meyers

Thank you God, thank you for sending an insufferable ego-maniac to remind me that I treat life too seriously. Thank you God, thank you for letting me stumble upon the song, thank you for letting me actually listen to the lyrics and registering it in my mind. And most of all, thank you for letting me befriend my jie Zae, for her to forgive me for my moment of folly, for her to embrace me for who I am, and of course, for her to think of sending me the songs which led me to remember what I had.

I won't hold on to what I have now, I'll leave it to the work of God. I will have to work on befriending more people hunh?

Heh. I'm starting to apologise all over again, I guess I need some humbling every now and then.

Let me think, basically this will be deidicated to Azalea, Hannah, Lynette, Cui Xiao, Elvira, Sophy and lastly to everyone who reads this blog - actually should be those who tag hor?

To Azalea, my dearest jie who stuck by me even though she was mad, who apologises when I'm really the one at fault, who just keeps that smile on her face when it concerns me and my silent problems.
Heh. I'm really really sorry for my posts, serious. I'll remove it as soon as I'm done with this. I'm sorry for not trying to understand what you're going through, as needy as your Chris sounds like. I'm sorry for brushing you off when I'm not too happy. For just being nonchalent when you ask me if I'm ok. For turning you away when I need you most and even question you about your sincerity. Heh, don't I just sound like a emotionally-needy person?

Hannah, the one I considered my best friend until something unseen guided us to drift apart.
Can you imagine, your boyfriend's kaypoh friend wants to know what went on between the both of us. That was more than enough encouragement to reflect on the past. I want to apologise, for not trying to put on your shoes and understand what you felt with your parents baring down on you with razor-sharp teeth. And I didn't think to ask if your back was ok the day I got mad and hit you because of my phone. I'm so sorry, I thought that because the week before, I clearly remembered whacking you and you seemingly weren't affected by it. I just want to make it clear, it's not that I don't care, it's just that I wasn't fully aware about your back problem. So I thought you were playing up the entire scene to gain empathy or sympathy or whatever you call it. Which does say a lot, seeing that I didn't know, or didn't remember so much about you, that I doubted you. I don't even know a lot about the heart problem that you once mentioned to me. Then in Sarawak, when I got annoyed because you wanted to pack everything up. That one I fully accept responsibility, that I was too caught-up with wanting to get there on time, probably to look good for the teachers? Heh. I guess now that everything between us is merely a collection of memories that are collecting dust, only then do I fully realise how stupid and dumb, and unappreciative I have been. I know you probably don't trust me anymore, that you think I was someone who said something but thought another. But I promise you, you were really a best friend that I had, you opened my eyes to so much, you taught me a lot in your own style. And I just want to tell you that I admire you for not breaking down to tears on the bad days we got our common tests back. And that I am aware that I was insensitive regarding test results back then. But it's a little too late now isn't it? It would seem that I tried patching up with the wrong attitude at the right time, but I tried patching up with a better attitude at the wrong time, when everything's just over. I'm so sorry...

And yes Daniel, I hope you're happy and satisfied, I am jealous. Not of Azalea of her friendship with Hannah. Wait, how do I phrase this. I'm jealous about Azalea and Hannah being friends, but about the way it's shown. The way they can communicate without awkward pauses. The way that Azalea won't drift off to someone else when we can't think of something to say. The way Hannah listens to Azalea. I'm jealous of their friendship, yes me. I didn't admit it but I do now.

I can't believe I shed so many tears already, and that it's taken half an hour to get me to this stage. I'm such a fool.

Lynette, my ex-partner. I have been distant this few days haven't I? I'm not even gonna worry about the consequences already, I've lost too much to care. Frankly speaking, I was kinda unhappy because of the little work you put in for the art project. *I'm anticipating that you're saying "What'ver, this so crap luh, I don't want to read anymore* I don't know luh, I always thought it as insensitive, but you weren't aware of it, so I'm telling you now. I can imagine how hurt Jaspreet would have been if she heard that when you took a look at her fic. Tell me, how would you have felt if I told you the same thing? What if I had told you that I thought your fic wasn't worth reading, let alone a second glance? I took you as a best friend yet you didn't even bother to glance at the fic that I wanted to show you, that I wrote myself. I enjoy the times we have spent together, the impromtu karoke sessions in the afternoons, even if I often felt a flash of inferiority, that you were so much better than me in so many ways, if you fully ultilized them. Maybe I'm just being stupid to you, maybe I've gone bonkers...

Cui Xiao, heh, I can remember the times when I yelled at you. Sorry 'bout that, and thank you for helping out for the art! Frankly speaking, I wasn't even expecting you to do anything, maybe I have good persuasion skills eh? We ARE friends right?

Elvira, pretty much the last person I would expect to read my blog, but since I even wrote something to Cui Xiao, I have to type something to you as well. My fellow Dong Bang-crazy classmate! Heh. How many videos have we watched about them? Even if I don't like Lee Min Ki as much as Kim Jong Kook, I still like LMK and think he's sweet ok! And Chae Yeon should go with Jong Kook! Even if the one he remembers is Jin Suk and not Chae Yeon. LOL.

*My tears are FINALLY slowing. Thank God*

Sophy. LOL. OK fine, I do go into a high when I see you online. You're my number one happiness-inducing human morphine? :D Don't work so hard hor, I haven't even started my preparations yet luh. Then most I ever did was three chapters of geog on agriculture that I read through in three hours. THREE HOURS. Like, a paragraph registered in my mind every ten minutes?

EVERYONE ELSE OUT THERE.
Namely Petrina, Amelia, Harriet, occasionally Jessie, and I don't know who else. I don't exactly keep track of who comes and reads my blog.
Petrina : Even if you DID disappear from my tagboard for a long time... You're still considered one of the pernament, wacky residents of it! HAH.
Amelia : Bmpf. Don't post anymore emo posts can? I read only want to post somemore emo ones loh. And I'm trying to not be emo here luh.
Harriet : I'm glad you got your phone back! But you dao-ed my reply for a while le... HEH. WHATTHEHECK did you do to get into so much trouble? :O
Jessie : Thank you for your help with the art. Our group was the one filled with the outsiders, it's a miracle that we actually managed to complete the assignment within the second deadline.
WHOEVER ELSE IT MAY CONCERN : Thank you for reading my blog, though it would be nice for you peeps to tag once in a while you know? Just to let me be reassured that I still have readers around.

Maybe I should consider getting that stats recorder or something...

And while my nose is still red, I'm happy to let go of everything and leave it up to God's hands, with a little work on my part anyway. Never has God been so close to me before, I am truly blessed :)

So I'll do my best to post no more emo post, even if posting if the simplest way to express my feelings, I gotta work on expressing my emotions, not repressing it when it concerns my friends.

2007-09-11T07:16:00.000+08:00

Elvira roots for Eun Hye and Min Ki;
Which means I can root for Chae Yeon and Jong Kook.
WAHAHAHA...
I can't believe that Eun Hye actually chose HAHA once.
:O

2007-09-11T07:11:00.000+08:00

OK, just being lame with Elvira sitting next to you :)
I LOVE YOU ELVIRA! <333
OK, spastic-ness. Erm. What to blog.
There's no mass run.
OKAYY. Lee Min Ki.
The sweet, shy guy who fought against Kim Jong Kook for Eun Hye's love.
Sadly, he lost. Wowee.
Eun Hye's One Man took up arms and thrashed him down. :(
But I root for Chae Yeon and Jong Kook :D
*Elvira just "eyy..." me. :O
I thought she supported it!
OK fine, Eun Hye and Jong Kook are ok luh.
Chae Yeon's the ultimate sweetness!
CHOCOLATE, I want more chocolate :)

2007-09-10T15:52:00.000+08:00

I just found out that I have more than five foreign christmas songs, and I have no english christmas songs in my tablet. Wowee. Not to mention that I majority are sung by DBSK and one is was Card Captor Sakura, so if I haven't deleted off more songs from CCS, I just might find another Japanese Christmas song. LOL.

2007-09-10T15:08:00.000+08:00

Jessie's sitting next to me, trying to get me to camhore with her, I'm not in the mood.
She can call me emo, but I'm damned pissed as it is.
Flash wants to fight against me, and some just can't cooperate.
I may complain, I may give you that world-weary sigh, I may just roll my eyes, but underneath all those actions, lies a heart who wants to help. I guess you're just not used to it, that you prefer something more straightforward, unlike me who seems to like to beat about the brush.
And Azalea, with that post, I wasn't implying that you were a bimbo. I guess I should have made it clear, should have explained. On the contary, you aren't dumb with loose morals or anything right?
Heh. I started it, and now I feel hurt because she doubted me. And I actually believed her words for those few days, that our friendship was as solid as it seemed.
Ey Amelia, is this font big enough for you to read?
I just finished art. Had to redo the entire flash since the previous file hanged on me while I was trying to save it. Blah. Sucks man, but its saved, and I dumped all the stuff into the cd. Whoots. Now I'll go listen to more music...

2007-09-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

Just got THSK/DBSK's Five in the Black yesterday.

Can I yell at the idiots who wrote 'Zion'? C'mon luh, Koreans singing American-styled songs?Or maybe I'm just biased against it >.< Don't know luh, I feel that the song doesn't do their voices any justice. They sound like they are forcing out those sounds. It's not something natural, quite like they are exploring new territory, but just got whipped in the butt. Which they are anyway, what on earth possessed them to place it as the first song?!

At least Sky is after it :DIt sounds likes, "The krusty crabs with the coo-coo beat... Under the sky". My sister was wondering if it concerned Spongebob Squarepants. Sadly Ying, I highly doubt it does. I still remember the MV, how to identify Micky : Remember the gay purple pants guy (Fullsotop). My sister recognised him in a sec luh, and that's a huge feat, considering that she can't be bothered to learn their names. And I still can't find the lyrics for Sky! Ahh...

I got the music score for Holding Back the Tears! Maybe I'll be motivated to get up and finally brush up my piano-playing skills. I said in my New Year's resolution that I would go practice playing the piano more, but so far, all I've done is to play Oh Macdonalds to demo for my sister. Ain't I the best? But I guess I'll just wait till after the exam...

I really really should start studying, not to mention that my group still has to piece together the stupid art video. URGH. Meeting up today took away precious time to chiong my lit essay and my newspaper reviews.

... It suddenly occured to me, I'm attached to my blog. :O My once-worst nightmare just came true.

Hmm... And I seem to instinctively dislike the songs that were composed by those who appear to westerners. I have something against Dead End as well, O.o
If Changmin didn't look so sweet, I'll buy his part though. Junsu... Forget it, it's simply to weird. How can he sound like that, and yet have a seemingly entirely different personality? Heh. Yunho's and Yoochun's parts are the ones that I'm most receptive to, seems that I think of the other three really differently...

High time get your gooving on..~

-------------------------

LOL. This morning, I was reminded about yesterday's mooncakes.

Well you see... After I finished the mooncakes, I didn't bring the plate back to the kitchen, because I was kinda too lazy... XD So then when my parents came home, I hid it in the cupboard behind me in the study; and totally forgot about it soon after.

Then this morning... My parents sent me to school, and brought up the topic of me being able to eat the five pieces of mooncake, only then did I realise that I had forgotten to keep it. For ten whole minutes, I was squirming in my seat whenever they mentioned mooncakes. Blah, I had to call the house and hope that there were no ants crawling about in the cupboard...

I'm never gonna live it down with my sister.

---------------------------

Imagine my horror when I find that my beloved Awake CD has been scratched.

Now imagine, with my current behaviour, how I might react with either my "O" or 'Five in the Black' CDs got damaged.

Not to mention that the aforementioned cds are not even a year old even after you combine their ages.

(Ok. I'm just being lame.)

>.< I scratched my Awake cd, by Josh Groban. The latest one, I HAD TO scratch the most recent one and not his first, self-titled debut.

I can't play or rip the third track, and it's taking forever to rip the songs into my tablet. But I should count myself lucky, since the third track is Un Dia Llegara, and while I (surprisingly) still remember the song, it isn't the So She Dances or Awake tracks that are affected.

If that had happened, my house wouldn't be very safe right now.

LOL. I listened to Timeless the CHINESE version, sung by Zhang Li Yin and featuring Junsu yesterday. And I think it marred my impression of the song. I commented to Sophy that the song would have been better if sung in Korean or even Japanese as compared to Chinese.(And the Korean one DOES sound nicer.) EEW. I will NEVER ever listen to their chinese songs, it will DRASTICALLY affect my ability to speak Chinese. It's that bad, not that I'm being mean or anything, but their accent made my pronounciation of chinese words really off last night .

I can't remember, but the song reminds me of some Josh Groban song from his second cd Closer. I can't remember what it's called le, it's in either Spanish or French, but I bet it's Spanish.

Yeesh, my tablet really can't rip in the third track, it stops that 30% and WMP doesn't even inform me. Heck, with Groban in my placelist, I'll keep the db fever at bay!

----------------------------------

Lynette still claims that I can sing higher than her, which I beg to differ!

>.< What has my voice sounding muffled gotta do with me sounding lower than it is?

But on a bright side, Lynette says I sounded a tad bit lower when I was talking today. We had to meet up to finish taking the photos for art and I was speaking to Cui Xiao about it. And what's best is, I didn't even notice. So maybe, now if I can speak in a lower pitch without inversely affecting my throat, I might be able to sing lower too! Heh. I can't believe I'm talking about singing when I sound superbly... Bland.

Blah. Everyone's dao-ing me right now. Azalea dao-ed my sms for three hours already, then I don't know if Lynette got my message about compressing and sending the pictures to Cui Xiao.

I just finished a paragraph of the Supernatural essay, and it's damn hard to come up with four points, elaborate on it, and actually conclude it in a saitsfactory manner. I'm just tearing my hair out trying to explain how the witches' inhuman looks create an atmosphere of fear. I know what I'd like to say, but I just can't put it into words...

Haiyuh, just cross my fingers and hope for the best?

And Sophy, were you annoyed with me last night?

2007-09-06T21:21:00.000+08:00

>.<>

*Did I mention that I was concentrating on reading Yimei-lover's post for most of it?
*Doesn't matter, you didn't see the previous sentence! Shh~

I suddenly feel accomplished, I finished up five pieces of mooncake, which pretty much a thousand extra calories in my system right now. Thank God I'm gonna be outta the house tomorrow morning, NO MORE MOONCAKES that my nice grandma offers to me daily. Not that I don't like it or anything, but I can already feel a bad sorethroat that will fully manifest itself tomorrow.

Must remember to drink loads of water before I sleep tonight -_-"

I just got Sophy to order some stuff for me.

Thank you Sophy <333

I'll owe you one.

I got the dou- no, triple cross earrings, similar to the one that Yunho wore for the "O" Jeong, Ban, Hub album. I've been eyeing it for ages, so now I have no excuse to back out of piercing my ears. :)

Then the necklance has nothing to do with DBSK, unlike what Lynette thought it would. LOL. It's nice no? I was looking for more black-ish close neck, choker-like necklances, so 刚好 have luh. LOL. Just realised, both have crosses, what with the world's obsession with using loads of crosses? But it's nice. I wanted to get the starry earrings and necklance (below), but then I don't intend to blow a half of my current savings. But Lynette's getting the starry earrings, it's something that I can see her earring, as compared to the Jaejoong sparkling cross ones. But they're pretty

2007-09-06T18:22:00.000+08:00

I finished listening to all the songs I had sung by DBSK in one day.

All six hours of it, no joke, I never got past one hour of Groban and I suddenly 'accomplish' this.

I'm starting to hate myself.

I've changed, haven't I?

but then again, I'm sure Azalea, Hannah and Lynette wouldn't, why would they?

Heh. I'm opening declaring war on something that's so intimately connected to me.
Am I being dumb, am I trying to cling on to the past, or will it make me wiser?

I don't know anymore.
I feel so different

2007-09-06T16:44:00.000+08:00

Yunho's Top 10 Unforgettable Moments

Somehow, this touched me more than the Jaejoong story, if you aren't even a little bit touched when you're finished reading it, 我无话可说.

1. 2004 DBSK got into a car accident. A sedan hit DBSK’s van, the driver was pronounced dead on the spot, the van was completely crushed, each member was hurt in different ways. Yunho’s neck was very injured.

2. 2005, Nov 18 to 19th, he was running schedules non stop. The minute the camera shuts down, he fainted.

3. 2006, before his concert, his wrist was injured, but he removed the cast for the sake of the performance, during the performance he was bleeding, but he kept on singing. After the performance his hand was completely swollen.

4. 2006, march, barely 20 years old, fainted due to dehydration. His stomach isn’t strong, members always stick little reminder notes in his pocket reminding him to eat. Whenever he was trying to care for other members, they would say “ you should be the one resting right now”.. they flew between Korea and Japan every week.

5. For the sake of having a better pitch when he sings and a better, more mature image, he got procelin veneers on his teeth, PV needs to be changed every 10 years, he has gone through numerous discomfort and pain after his procedure. May of 2006, because he was in such pain (his teeth), he was rushed to the hospital right after his performance one night. June, he experienced eve more pain because of it, he could barely eat, his face was so swollen he had to start wearing a mask

6. 2006, July. Concert in Malaysia, knowning his fans have waited forever for him, he gave a perfect performance that fooled everyone, no one could tell that he was trying all his might to hold the pain that was caused by dislocation of his ankles. He insisted on performing for his fans, he had to be carried out after the performance. That performance caused him to be away for one month so he can rest.

7. 2006, October, around 10pm. Something horrible happened, emergency room, different hospitals, cleaning and pumping out his stomach. The suspect has turned herself in. Yunho said “ she’s about my age, I have a sister, so I hope she will receive forgiveness. As for me. No worries. I’m fine. I’m sorry I’ve made you guys worry”

8. At an award ceremony, all the members were crying their eyes out, Yunho stayed strong, he held his tear in, he smiled, he kept thanking everyone, but backstage, he shed more tears than the rest of the members combined.

9. At another award ceremony, everyone could tell his eyes were watery and red, but once again, held in it. He bit his fingers.

10. The famous 18 continuous bow. After the MBC dance battle special, he was sick, but he held himself together for the show, backstage, he bowled to every single performer and crew members, the fans captured the total number of times he bowed. 18 times.

And and. If you want to see the video of him bowing, (depends on whether you know how to use anot, I can't.)

http://tv.mofile.com/ERZW7HOH

A fan cam of his 18 bows.

And I still can't access it...

Darn my brother, he's been picking fights with me for the entire day.

*EDIT* I can't believe I forgot about credits. I found it at http://dbsker.blogspot.com/

Thank Sophy for informing me...

2007-09-06T15:12:00.000+08:00

Blah. I was so overjoyed about the money that I forgot what I wanted to post before.

Anyways, I finally found out how to fully ultilise the hairbands that I bought from Ice Lemon Tee.

:D That is, if I don't mind being unglam, but I'm at home, so no one's gonna comment.

I wearing the bright yellow one with my green shirt.

And it really clashes, but heck.

I needed to keep my fringe outta my eyes mah.

And Lynette was right, my eyelashes seem freakingly long when I saw my reflection in the mirror just now.

It's longer than my bro's! Whoots~

And all this talk about wanting to which eyelashes with him... LOL.

Anyways, better get back to doing math.

I forgot about polygons, my tuition cher is gonna kill me.

And seriously, Yunho sounds so sweet singing the opening lines of Heart, Mind and Soul.

<333

(Yes Lynette, it would seem that it has become a full-blown obsession. And I just remembered that Sophy and Lynette had some NCC test so cannot see her until tonight I think.

Ncc's vision is to... resilient, responsible, loyal, leaders through military activities...

That's as far to what I remember anyway ^^ )

2007-09-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

I'm 300% richer than I was two days ago.
I said I lost my math homework yesterday right?
So I went around the house looking for it, for the entire morning.
Then in the afternoon, after lunch, I found the long-lost keys to the drawer in my clothes cupboard.
And just what? I has $23 in old notes, AND. AND. (This is the best part)

$75 worth of coins. Thanks to my POSB coin bank that I noticed was in the living room display drawer.
I'm RICH. As in, REALLY REALLY RICH.
I got like, $140 sitting in my drawer right now.
My sister was like, "Whoa Jie, I didn't know that you saved so much when you were younger."
Neither did I, I totally forgot about my coin boxes that I has used.
And I stopped using those coin boxes when I was 7 luh.
Wonder what would I have bought if I had the money years ago?

Anyways, so I asked Sophy if she could order the double cross "O" earrings for.
But was offline, so I'll just go check if she's online now...
:D
Joy to the world...
(and I'm not sarcastic now)

2007-09-06T14:57:00.001+08:00

My dad's out to fetch my sis home, so I'm sneaking some online time in to post some ridiculous thing that I typed while attempting to start my maths homework...

(And it's chinese... O.o)
我想念了你们。大家。。。
过了那么多年，你们还会等在那里，等着我回来吗？
我不愿意离开大家，但，我也没设么办法。
我只怕一件事，我回来之后，还有人会记得我吗？
我不想回到家乡才发现大家多忘了我。
我回来之后，我的朋友还在那里吗？
他们会不会像风一样；
一吹就飞舟了。
我朋友还会等着我赶回家呢？
他们会不会还做我的好朋友呢？
过了那么多年，我还记得大家；
但，虽然我记得，并不确定别人会。
我真得很想有一次见面我好友。
我回到这里，是不是白费了？

That’s what listening to I’ll Be There while the language bar is changed to CH Chinese (PRC) with Microsoft word does to you. I’m still listening to the Five in the Black album, 我去吃饭，就全忘了我的电脑。Gargh, I need to brush up on my Chinese skills, it now appears to be a nice language to use as a medium to express my feelings. LOL, or maybe I’m just head-over-heels in love with the Chinese version of Hug?

Mm… ‘Hello Again’ sounds nice; I think I got the music score in some folder in my tablet…

我天天坐在窗口，看着密峰飞来飞去，等着你的电话。
可能是我想错了，可能是我想太多了。
我以为，只要我和你在一起，和你天天谈话，你就是我朋友了。
可能我希望太多了，我的期望对你也没什么。
到了这部，我还是不知道你再想什么。
我以为，只要我永远在你身边，你就会永远陪着我。
你不是说吗？我是个大笨蛋，我想生活要太多了。

Wah, Ai Senai, Ai Shitai also can inspire emo thoughts de, and then Asu wa Kuru Kara had to break the mood J, which I guess is good to a certain extent. I like the meaning of the title – Asu wa Kuru Kara, but I’m still unsure what the lyrics mean. But, but, if the lyrics follow the name of the song, I think I’ll like it. :D

我向你的字没有需要；
我要的不是你没意思的字。
我要的，我所需要的；
我需要的是人们的真心。
只要有你在我身边；
别的事我也不用了。
就这样一件简单的事情；
是那么难做到吗？

Damn, am I gonna type out a small paragraph for every single song that I’m listening to? And I got to finish my maths! Urgh… And I thought that Asu wa Kuru Kara was a soothing song…

我小时候，只会坐在一旁，自己玩。
直到我长到后，我才发现，我没学到什么。

And I absolutely refuse to try and type out more Chinese sentences that I have no inkling of how they came about. >.< Maybe I’ll just use them for my wallpapers, if I can even find time… DBSK is now a mistake. I’ll have to switch back to Groban again, at least until the EOYs are over. I CANNOT continue harping on them！

It would help if they couldn't sing… Hell.

LOL. Yunho singing what quite sounds like a lullaby at the start of ‘Heart, Mind and Soul’, kawaii ne!

And hello obsession, I just can’t dodge your footsteps huh?

2007-09-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

*Balloons*
-Adaptation-

During my childhood, I dreamt a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying.
If a yellow balloon flies in the sky, my heart remembers beautiful memories.

My dream as a child was to ride a yellow balloon and fly high into the sky.
I forgot about that small dream and lived till now because I grew up too much.

But when I’m miserable, I want to run around and play like a child;
Filling a balloon full of my small dreams .

During my childhood, I dreamt a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying.
If a yellow balloon flies in the sky, my heart remembers beautiful memories.

I can’t understand why tears come out when I look at the sky.
I wonder why one forgot the tiny childhood when they became older.

At times I too want to just fly high into the sky;
With my forgotten dreams and memories.

During my childhood, I dreamt a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying.
If a yellow balloon flies in the sky, my heart remembers beautiful memories

Though time past so quickly;
Though I forgot;
Will it be possible to contain it in that yellow balloon I dreamt of?

During my childhood, I dreamt a beautiful dream about riding a balloon and flying.
If a yellow balloon flies in the sky, my heart remembers beautiful memories.

But yet I cry when I see a yellow balloon.

==_++_==
My dream when I was young was to sing and act, serious.
But I'm not good enough for even backup singer hunh.
And I don't even want to think about acting.
==_++_==

An adaptation of a translation of Balloons sung by Dongbangshinki.
It has since strengthened my resolve to meet them in person, if possible anyway.
Even if Balloons didn't sound anything like how I intrepreted the song;
It would be great to meet those who sang the song.
I mean, I believe that to a certain extent;
You have to understand and believe in what you sing right?
Or are they singing it because they have to sing it?
It's a wonder, how the meaning of the lyrics struck a chord in my heart.
Let me be truthful, I can't cry anymore.
I mean, not at something that's beautiful, not at something that touches my heart.
Only if I really feel hapless and pity my ownself.
But the traslation nearly brought me to tears, and that is something very unexpected now.
I don't want to think about what the song sounds like;
But rather what it means to me, and the five who sang it.

I'm not even that far away from my own childhood;
To some, I'm not even out of it yet.
Yet, yet I don't feel like a child;
Yet, yet I don't feel like a teen.
Sometimes I feel so old, like someone who has lived for decades,
Yet sometimes, I'm on a perpeptual high, scaring the hell out of everyone that I encounter
(Thank Sophy for that it if it concerns MSN, it's usually her anyway)
I contradict myself yeahs?
I could be a loving and caring friend one minute;
Yet coldly brush away the hurt and anger that I see around me.
(And I'm truly sorry for all the hurt I've caused when I retreat into my shell.)
Fourteen years into my life, and I don't feel like a teen.
I haven't faced any hardship;
I haven't seen or felt any life-impacting situation.
And yet, here I am, feeling like the grandmother of everyone.
I should be glad, shouldn't I?
That I'm not some poverty-stricken child in Africa,
That I'm not in a war-torn country like Lebanon.
That I'm on out on the streets begging for money.
Yah, what am I thinking?No one is gonna even bother to think deeply about what I said, or typed.What's the point of life when no one bothers about thee?

Thank God 'Phantom' came right after 'On&On';This is gonna get on my nerves sooner or later.Stupid old mind, I want to be a teen and live like one;I didn't ask to be able to think so much about life.Gargh. And my WMP is playing Balloons now.

2007-09-05T10:40:00.000+08:00

I officially lost my math holiday homework and all my extra (but prescious) stuff that was with it in my notebook.

Don't call me yeahs? I'm tired of waiting for that elusive sms that I really need now, but it just won't come. Besides, we aren't gonna worry about me, but we are gonna worry about what problems you have. So what's the point of waiting for someone who only talks about themselves?

I really hate life.

I feel like an emotionally needy child.

2007-09-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

Every other 5 of us 2C1-ers seem to have the same problem

Should I take comfort in that?

2007-09-04T22:42:00.000+08:00

And I just go on a high everytime I see her online.

LOL.

I should take comfort that I can still glean pure, undescibable (spelling?) happiness with little things all around me.

2007-09-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

Heh. I just had to read Amelia's latest post even when I sensed it was gonna be emo. Oh well, at least I finally get a chance to call her "emo". But don't worry Amelia, that will be the only time, to get back for all the times you called me that on my tagboard.

I don't know why, I'm suddenly very disappointed with myself. I mean, no one is gonna read this chunk of crap that I type right? Besides, no one cares anymore. And when I mean no one, I really mean NO one at all. They'll just read and dismiss it at emo musings. Damn them.

How many times have I experienced loneliness this year? Certainly more than my entire previous years combined. I once thought that opening up, finally showing my more understanding side would help me move forward and appreciate what I have. Well, it did, but it has its fair share of downsides.

(Let me have I'll be there's lyrics.

And I don't have it)

How many times have I sat on my bed, cradling my phone and just wishing one of them would just call, sms, anything?
How many times have I restrained myself from yelling at every single one of you?
How many times do I have to cry in silence?
How many times, before someone finally understands?
How much more do I have to give, before someone will give me something?
It's not words that I want, it's not words.
Words mean nothing.
Has the Lord not said, "Let us not love with word or with tongue, but in truth and deed"?
Has He not said so?
Then I just don't get it.
I just don't.

And it seems that I never will.

2007-09-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

They spoke in Japanese for the darned videos.
The only thing that I can understand?

"Daijobu?"

I detest them.

Remind me never to like singers that don't speak english as a first language yeahs?

And please, don't bullshit me.
I've known her for so long;
You take me for a fool to not know her.
Do I look like the person who takes friendships easily?

Why don't you just go take a reality check?
Don't come to me lecturing me over something you yourself ain't good at.
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

2007-09-03T20:45:00.001+08:00

I'm on a freaking high right now, so yuppz, if you are oh-so-lucky as to encounter me on MSN right now, TOO BAD.

Gosh, I'm being a freaking BIMBO. AHAHAHA....

Oh. Oh and. I think that Sophy thinks I'm a psycho.

Since I can apparently spends loads of money in a day.

Which is bad. Because I'm living an extremly extravagent life now.
When I'm late, the first thing that comes to my mind is a cab. I wouldn't have done that last week.
I spent money eating loads of chocolate ice-cream on last friday and today.
I'm gonna spend a whole load of freaking money on stuff that I asked Sophy to check. If there is anywhere. If there isn't, I'm prolly gonna thank God in a few months. HEH.

I feel stupid. It's about time I seriously started studying and laying off my crazes. I'm sure they will still be alive when I'm done with EOYs, right?

2007-09-03T18:53:00.000+08:00

I take my hat off to U-Know Yunho of DBSK.

He simply sounds too different in SpokesMan, simply mind-boggling. I'm sure Sophy will agree :)

Can I dream of it? Sure I can.
But can I achieve it? I think not.

From You Only Love to Rising Sun to SpokesMan, who can beat it?

So I'm once again humbled into submission by undesirable facts.

Oh darn it, it's just so unfair.

So I'll just dream a lil' bit more.

(Until the world comes crashing down on me again.)

While it's for completely different reasons,

I agree with you hannah.
"lei.
lei-tired
lei-tears
lei-lightning(thunderstorm)

hen-hate
hen-scar
hen-very

wo. hen. lei"

Even if it's for completely different reasons.

I just don't get it.

I'm suddenly oh-so-world-weary again.

I envy Karen, at least she has Amelia.

I'm just being stupid.

2007-09-03T13:14:00.000+08:00

Ai Senai, Ai Shitai is actually nice. LOL. I'm just playing DBSK songs on a loop since I'm waiting for Da Jie to finish trying to draw the darn curve graph and for Lynette to try and solve her FanFiction account problem. Heh. And keeping myself from visiting the website that Sophy showed me. Because what I want cannot be ordered anymore, the darn order is closed. CLOSED. What's the point of going there and knowing that I can't buy anything? AND, and. I only have $50 left, because I have yet to collect my money for yesterday's taxi fare. Blah. When I get everything back, I should have about $90 again. Which is good, because I feel weird without loads of money in my wallet now. Serious. I got so used to seeing the $130 in my wallet that now I glance at the inside and inwardly cringe.

Oh sh*t, am I starting to get used to living an extravagent life? LOL. I want to buy more necklances, bracelets and maybe earrings. I can actually wear hoops, but my sister is suited for the BIG BIG hoops. You know how I found out? The India bracelets that my aunt gave me last year was convieniently on my bed and then I was talking to my sis about earrings and the size she could wear. She didn't believe me when I told her she could wear those ridiculously HUGE hoops so I grabbed the bracelets and told her to go hold it beside her ear lobes, and I was correct!

AHAHAHAHAHA. Ain't I good at estimation? I have since come to a conclusion :

Whatever I can do, my sister does on a larger scale.
Whatever I can wear, my sister can wear the larger size of it. (As in accessories, she's too skinny)

My mum says it's good to have small-sized feet and hands. (Like real.) My dad said I had stubby fingers, and I can wear the same shoes as my sister. LOL. I don't know why I'm typing about this, but just damn bored. You can stop reading now if you want :)

Erm let me think. When I'm older, I'll get my mum's jewellery, and my sister will get my aunt's. My mum and I can only pull off the yiu xiu look. My aunt and sis can wear those huge chunky stuff. And I like my aunt's watch! It's like a huge bracelet with the timepiece hidden underneath.

*It's raining now. And I'm cold*

I liked that leaf-like necklance on that blog. Blah. I will not even THINK about necklances. I want to exchange one of mine with my sis's which I wore yesterday. I like the colour and it suits what I usually wear.

I'm talking a whole load of bullshit ain't I?

Beats me lamenting about this at home, and getting yelled at by my sis for annoying her.

Wishlist (I'm just darn bored, might as well think about what I want to get by the end of the year)

1. Yunho's double cross earrings.
2. Jaejoong's Leaf necklance
3. Junsu's star earrings.
(LOL. Too much DBSK stuff)
4. A big black bag. (Like the one I currently big to school since my bro urinated on my other one. eew right?)
5. A blouse. (Yeah. I don't seem to have one)
6. Jeans (before I go to Australia)
7. A mp3 that actually works
8. A new pencil box
9. (And I'm thinking too much about that blog. damn it.)
And I give up. I'm not gonna list out more stuff. It's temptation all over again.

2007-09-03T12:47:00.000+08:00

Joy!
Math remedial is over.
Well, technically no, since there's still two more people sitting in class trying to honestly finish the paper.
I gave up trying to the paper alone after 11-plus. I was walking from one table to another because I somehow became the math pro. But once it hit congruency, I was like, no way. But they can do and I can't! WAHHH... Stupid congruency luh.

Hannah and Azalea crapped that they had tuition and a meeting respectively. And Ms Loo bought the story. C'mon luh, they didn't even sound as if they were sincere. Azalea called 'Jared' and Ms Loo thought she called her mom. SPASTIC. Shows how trusting math teachers can be. LOL. I borrowed Cui Xiao's paper and copied from question 12 onwards. BUT. BUT. But. I did do ok! I was helping Hannah with question 13 and 14. So... You can say that I was not doing my work, it's because Hannah went off with her paper, so I couldn't copy what I did for her. BLAH.

ANYWAYS. Sophy. Erm. What did I want to say? Oh yeah. BE NICE? :D I'm Rui Qi leh, the light of your world yeahs? HAHAHA... Yeeshan commented that I must be a ATM to you or something. LOL.

Bah. I want to go tiong again. Nothing to do anyways, heh. Lynette's talking about her and her brother and the ability to type fast. I'm not gonna even comment. Not even a 'huh'

2007-09-03T09:34:00.000+08:00

I've been in school since 8, and I've successfully managed to amuse myself for one and a half hours before I can't think of any more websites to check for updates. So I'm here blogging and attempting to keep my itchy fingers away from that huge packet of M&Ms that I brought to school. In an hour, me and Cui Xiao managed to finish half of the packet, and I think I ate the most of it. Blah, it's entertaining just to grab one and chomp it to nothingness.

Erm. Let me think, what can I blog about... Sophy. Are you gonna buy the original of the Summer Dream single? I think I got the Taiwan verison, but I'm gonna dump it off as a gift to someone soon. LOL. I don't know what to do with it now. I haven't even ripped the songs into my tablet luh. Forget, I'll do by days.

Friday 31/08/07
Had arranged to go out with Lynette, then Jessie joined us. And I didn't know that they had som NCC Barrier thingy until lunch, which was after more than an hour. I'M SO SORRY LYNETTE. I really had no idea that it was THAT strict. I spent about $50 in total? Lucky I brought my birthday money along

Summer Dream cd - $12.90
200 Pounds Beauty VCD - $13.40
Hairbands - $1.95 + $5.90
Lunch (BK) - $6.10
Comics Connection - $4.90
And and, Jessie borrowed $5 from me. SO in total, I spent $50.15. (Thank God for calculators)

*Cui Xiao says I'm very random.*
What'ver Cui Xiao! I'm trying to blog about SOMETHING what... She's laughing at me! heh.

Saturday 01/09/07
Hello, I'm from Crescent Girls' School and I'm participating in a charity project initiated by Citibank - YMCA Youth For Causes. Would you like to help the Intellectually Disabled of Singapore? I'm selling a cd for $10, it's a collabortion between some students from my school and others. All proceeds will go to MINDS for the development of programmes for the children aged 6 - 18 in their resident home.

Anyone wanna help? I have 3 mores cds left to sell.

Was almost late for tuition, spent about $30 on taxi fare in total luh.
Sunset - Bukit Timah -> $5.90
Bukit Timah - NUS -> $7
NUS - BT - Bukit Panjang -> $8.60
Total is $21.50. LOL. I spent about $80 in two days!

Erm yeah. When we first went to Sunset, we dropped by someone's dear then we went to Ice-Cream Palor or is it Ice-Cream Palour? LOL. I ate chocolate ice-cream with brownie, Lynette ate the same thing, Hannah has butterscotch ice-cream with her brownie and Azalea had waffles with chocolate ice-cream!

I was the only one who ordered a brownie who finished it all! I'm still proud of that! I ate up about a third of Lynette's brownie as well! LOL. I don't think the other three quite came to terms with the fact that I can tolerate so much sugar. :D

Sunday 02/09/07
There was no Youth Zone yesterday, and I was at my most glam for some odd reason. My mum was running in and out of the worship hall because the poor chief speech writer for the Minister of Education had to ask her for a lot of information. Still can't get it why she couldn't understand my mum's instructions.

For the development for potential niche areas, schools will be given 150thousand.
Then if they do get into the niche area, they will be given 50thousand.

How hard is that to understand? You people reading this get it right? :) My mum then commented that I'm a policy maker-in-the-making. LOL. I would if there weren't any glam-mer jobs. I honestly want to work in the music industry, but I don't think I'm cut out for it. Heh. Why does have the sciences subjects be my forte when I prefer the arts subjects?!

Monday 03/09/07
Came to school at 8. Blog hopped for an hour. And bye Ms Loo, she just walked out of the classroom. And then I blogged and am blogging for about half and hour. Aiyuh. It's about time that I started doing the math questions. bye-bye!

Ohand, Sophy, if you manage to read all the way up to here.

I WANT THE YUNHO SINGLE OK?! And maybe the Changmin one. Can bring to school and show me? <33

2007-08-30T21:46:00.000+08:00

Support + Love

And that appears to be my pernament label.

And my latest Display Pic too. LOL. Was midway through the background of this when Cui Xiao asked me who was "Changmin oppa" and "Yunho oppa" since it was under my personal message. So then I lazy to do something nice and re-used my bubbly background for Changmin, and came up with...

(IT SUCKS.

IT REALLY SUCKS.

IT REALLY REALLY SUCKS.

JUST WHATTHEHECK AM I DOING?)

And Cui Xiao laughed at the Yunho one! Ok fine. It does look funny, the colouring and his face. LOL. It's horrible yes, but the simplest way to show Cui Xiao who Changmin and Yunho were what... How else besides sending her a picture of them? Anyways... Need to chase Lynette and make sure she comes online to send Cui Xiao the Scene 2 pictures for Claymation, or I'll throttle her to death tomorrow. While there's no way we can finish by tomorrow, I want to do as much as possible before finishing it up on Monday. Lynette had better be online right NOW, and sending the damned files, or I'm gonna call her and yell loudly into the phone.

Oh shit. My bro's asleep. Looks like I have to do some selective cursing...

2007-08-30T20:56:00.001+08:00

Post is to be dedicated to Hannah, Harriet, Azalea and Petrina.

Just when the sky is about to clear;
The rain clouds just come rolling in again.

Thank God that I have the September hols to recoup.
Seems like I cannot hope for something to last.
As that cheng yu goes : 五分钟热度
(热情和兴趣只能维持很短的时间)
Since when have I taken to using chinese to explain?
Blah. So much has changed again.
I get hit by a new wave of troubles every two weeks.
My insecurity two weeks ago.
All that leftover homework.
And now, Literature, Chinese and Art.
ESPECIALLY ART. Darn Ms Goh.
I have to put in more effort in being courteous during CCA now.
Initiative. I MUST take initiative. Hell.
I'll show her initiative.
I'll show her that Rui Qi's brain is not to be messed with.

Anyways, came with the intention to dedicate this post to some and address them, since I can never find the right time to speak to them. Since when have I ever found a right time to speak? Besides, I seem to be the anchor for most people, so anchor everyone in their place I will! (What am I rambling on about?)

Hannah: Heh. I still don't why you have to get so affected by him and his posts. You already have a jewel standing beside you. Don't make yourself lose it because of some ass who can't appreciate you properly. Are you sure you really want that? I suggest that you decide on what you want soon, there's no point chasing after what you can't have. If you were meant to be, let nature take its course, don't force your way forward to get something that God deems you should not have now, or forever. Frankly speaking, I think what you're doing, getting affected and all is idiotic, but I'm not you, so I'm in no position to speak. Treasure that jewel that stays with you even with your hurtful actions Hannah, it's not everyday that there's more people out there who care and will do anything to help you. I know you'll most probably get mad at me, but ain't I your friend? Or has our friendship degenerated beyond something mutated that I can't recognise anymore? As I once said, and have told many, hiding behind a facade ain't gonna help you one bit. What's the point of friends if you keep everything to yourself? Ok fine. So then maybe you judge me to someone who can't understand, someone who's simply not 'brain-tuned' to be able to say something. Then make yourself clear. I hate it when our friendship blows hot then cold.

Petrina: Blah. You were emo today, and even dao-ed me! Cheer up, it's scary to see a emo Petrina! :)

Azalea: Ok. Frankly speaking, I don't even know why I'm gonna type something to you. Erm. let me think. Oh. Who's that dude that sms-ing you! WHY CANNOT TELL ME?

Harriet: I'M SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO YOU. I finally topped up my SIM card though, and the September holidays are coming round. Cheer up about Tess and her idiotic ways, this is sec school, and it ain't a smooth ride. See you tomorrow yeahs? I see if I can get you something.

I hate school. I hate home. How the hell did it end up like this? Wasn't home supposed to be my safe haven from my troubles, wasn't it?

2007-08-30T14:35:00.000+08:00

I told Hannah that she had to post at a slower rate.
Or I would have to post more.
I don't think she heard me though. ^^
So I might as well post when I have the time.

O2Jam fever in our class, and it's bad.
There's temptation EVERYTIME I start up my computer
But if I want to listen to DBSK and blog, I can't play
Damn the battery, if only Jasmine could ask the TA about my battery
It officially dies in half an hour, occasionally faster than that

Blah. Sophy selling her magazine for $20 le.
I still got money, got to decide.
Decide whether I'll drop my strong liking for DBSK anytime soon.
I did end Groban's in six months.
Six guys against one oldie.
Aiyah. I need more money.
But extra ten dollars suddenly appeared in my wallet.
So I can go out shopping tomorrow.
My mum promised to let me pierce my ear after the EOYs
So I'm going to Tiong's Comics Connection and getting those earrings first
One is 'You Qiang' (Strength), one is 'Ying Xiong' (Hero) and the last is the double cross.
I'm gonna try and get the You Qiang and double cross one.

Nak.Nak.Nak.Nak.Nak.
LOL. Sitting with Lynette and listening to Rising Sun the Japanese one.
We're talking about PSLE and prelims.
Heh. Now that my battery has dropped 60% in fifteen minutes,
I really fear it's life.
Aiyah. I'll just listen to the songs until it dies on me...

2007-08-27T18:42:00.000+08:00

LALALALALA~

I'm feeling unexpectedly happy, (not that I have any reason to be) thank Elvi and Eunice for being such fantastic summary-writing partners! I spent the an hour with Elvi and Eunice at my table, being ridiculously spastic. I think I finally understand why Jasmine has so many quotes from Eunice... But I did finish my summary first, I ended up crapping the entire thing and spent loads of time trying to count 'ants' a.k.a. my suddenly teeny tiny handwriting. They really did look like ants. Then we sang when either Elvi or I were trying to count the number of words in our summary. "Do, a deer, a, b, c" Then it escalated to something like "13, 15, 19~!". Until that teacher who was overseeing the HMT oral walked pass and niao-ed at us. I was asking if she was pms-ing or something. Wouldn't like to have her as my chinese teacher next year...

Had a really late lunch with Elvi at 4p.m. which comprised of two packets of Julie's biscuits and that barbacue flavoured thingy that I think looks like bacon, but Jasmine calls pig's intestines. It's interesting how a band/group can bring two (pretty much) different people together. At least I'm NOT ALWAYS talking about DBSK with her.

I must thank my sister how having fantastic friends for calling when she's taking her bath. Every single day, without fail, the skinny one called Bernadine would call while my sister was right smack in the middle of her bath. Though maybe not right smack in the middle of the toilet. Then her bao bei Vanessa just called.

"Hello?"
"May I speak to Rui Ying?" (Where's her manners siia?!)
"Who are you?"
"Bernadine." (Hunh. and I think there's something odd)
"Um right. Bernadine. Rui Yi-"
"No-no. I'm Vanessa!" (Whattheheck?)

Then she tells me that she was looking at some piece of paper and spoke Bernadine's name. I will smack one of them soon if this keeps up. Everytime they call, they interrupt me. Today, I was halfway through the MVs of 'I Believe' and 'Choosey Lover'. Not that I like 'Choosey Lover' loads, but I detest being interrupted when I'm midway through listening to a song. Think I'll complain to my sis later. And if she doesn't comply, I'll just start singing 'You Raise Me Up' or something. Maybe 'Tong Hua', since I DID annoy her a couple of months ago. Wonder whether those songs are still welcome. Or maybe singing an off-key rendition of 'Dangerous Mind'.

pump that pump that pump that pump that~...

2007-08-27T09:16:00.000+08:00

BLOG.BLOG.BLOG.BLOG.BLOG.
I NEED TO BLOG BEFORE I DECIDE THAT GETTING HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE IS ALREADY FANTASTIC FOR MY HEALTH. I WON'T YELL AT A BUNCH OF UNCIVILISED 14 YEAR OLDS. I WILL NOT. NOT LIKE ANYONE READS MY BLOG NOW RIGHT? SO I CAN VENT AND VENT AND VENT.

NOT TO MENTION THAT I HEAR THEM THROUGH MY EARPHONES, WITH THE VOLUME PUMPED UP TO THE HIGHEST WITHOUT BLASTING MY EARS AWAY.

AND I COULD HEAR THEM ALL THE WAY FROM THE TOILET.

I COULD HEAR THEM. AND 2C1 HAPPENS TO BE THE ONLY CLASS MAKING NOISE. LOTS AND LOADS OF NOISE. I PITY MY EARS NOW.

I WILL NOT YELL. I WON'T. WILL NOT YELL AT THE BLOODY ASSHOLES.

THE INCONSIDERATE, SELF-CENTRED BITCHES.

I GIVE UP. I DON'T WANT THAT FUCKING KEY ANYMORE.

WHO WANTS TO BE TREATED LIKE DIRT?

WHO ARE THE ONES WHO STAY IN CLASS AND MAKE ME WAIT TO LOCK THE DOOR?

I WANT TO GET TO CLASS ON TIME AND YOU JSUT WON'T LET ME DO THAT HUNH?

I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN TO CLASS ON TIME IF IT'S HELD SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN OUR CLASSROOM

i hate all of you.

2007-08-24T09:44:00.000+08:00

I saw it on Jasmine’s blog, Nadine’s blog and now I’m kop-ing it from Shermin’s blog. LOL.

HOW OLD DO YOU ACT?(put an x in the ones you do then add it up and thats your age!)

[ ]I know how to make a pot of coffee.

[x]I do my own laundry.

[x]I can cook for myself.

[x]I actually enjoy intellectual conversations. (Because I hardly have any)

[x]I think politics are exciting. (Is that bad?)

[ ]My parents and grandparents have better things to say than my friends.

Total: 4

[x] I show up for school and/or work every day unless I'm sick.

[ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse. (I’ll just lose it luh)

[x]I've never gotten a detention. (ain’t I guai?)

[x] I've watched talk shows to point out the credibility of it all. (when I’m really bored)

[x] I drink coffee at least once a week. (though I don’t know how it applies to this)

Total :4

[x] I know how to run the dish washer and or do the dishes. ( I DO help)

[ ] I can count to 10 in Spanish/French/German/Italian. (why bother?)

[ ] When I say I'm going to do something I do it. (dream on…)

[x] My parents trust me. (kinda unbelievable, considering what I can get up to)

[ ] I can mow the lawn. (I don’t have a lawn)

[x] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.

[x] I remember to water my plants. (I once had a cactus… Not that it needed much watering)

[x] I study when I have to. (Like, when I really really have to, if not I’ll fail?)

[x] I pay attention at school. (I listen, even if I look occupied with something else)

[x] I remember to feed my pets. (I had a goldfish, and I fed it. Really.)

Total : 7

[x] I can spell experience without looking it up.

[ ] I clean up my own mess. (Only at the last minute, so I don’t think it counts)

[ ] The first thing I do when I get home is get a soda/drink. (I hardly drink in school, and at home too!)

[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need. (practised restraint too many times…)

[ ] I understand jokes the first time they are said

[x] I can type fast.

Total : 3

[ ] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.

[x] I can look at someone hot without thinking of sex

[ ] I realize that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job. (Am I sure about that?)

[x] I can read a book and actually finish it (don’t I always do that?)

Total: 2

Total Age: 20

Now I feel old… Eyy but cool! I’m in the same age range as DBSK members! HAHAHA. Just kidding, why would I want to be older for a bunch of good singers?

Hmm… No wonder my e-mail pal thinks I’m 18… I wish.

In case no one has realised, I'm banking on the MCQ section of today's geog test to pass.

2007-08-23T18:39:00.000+08:00

Why won't my stomach just be weak?
Why won't it be weak when I want it to be?
Why can't I just catch that stomach flu?
Why won't my body even help me in my times of need?

I just don't know anymore.
I can't stand it anymore.
I don't want to see that place ever.

Ms Goh's coming down on me for my mistakes.
She only gave me that third chance because I was close to tears
It always seems to be my tears that convince the teachers hunh?

I don't want to see you.
I don't want to see them.
I don't want to be close.

Heh. Life can't be any better.
Cheer up Harriet, you didn't fail your science
Look on the bright side :)

Why are you rubbing it in?
Why, why do you have to remind me?
Why, when I call you my friend?
Why, when I've trusted you so much?
Why, what did I do to be suspected?
Why, have I not proven myself loyal?
Why, when you know it ain't easy?

I don't want monkey Azalea. Not him.
It's simply not feasible.
He's not someone I'll trust that much.
So leave it will ya?

I'm just so confused.
I'm just stumbling around blindly

It has thus appeared that I can be a listening ear
But I'll never have a listening ear for me

No one understands.
When will someone who understands be there?

Spoke to Wanying after CCA
Seems that she really is dissatisfied
I'm just so tempted to pick up that transfer form
Anything, just to get away

It's short-term. I know.
But what else can I do?
I don't want to be the one to chair the club
Not when She thinks I'm incompetent

I'll just finish that compo
And I'll study geog
I'll just think a while I guess

2007-08-21T16:34:00.000+08:00

it's is getting freaking...
Everytime I think about a blog post
It starts something like...
"It's really odd/weird..."
What's with my sudden onslaught in the use of 'odd' and 'weird'?
An I'm posting an awful lot today
I should be finishing up my art...
But I forgot to bring it home! :O
So I can just die and lose all my marks for nothing...
Wahh... I want to cry.
Haiyah. At least I finished my compo
And then Sophy added me on msn
I don't know where she got my email from
LOL. I came online to add her then found out she added me
Just what...?
I really contributed to the extinction of trees
AHAHAHAHA.
I begged Karmaine and Letty to help me print my compo instead
So we ate a snack and then trooped off to the Monet Lab
(WHICH WAS FINALLY OPENED)
then we tried printing.
For some odd reason, we could only print out the first part of the compo. We printed four pages of the first page, then I deleted the part that was already printed, and tried printing again. And just what.....

It worked!
LOL.
Bah. My zen stone is not working again.
I'm gonna register for that warranty thingy and I'll troop down to the Creative Headquaters with my mum. And it's only a couple of kilometers away!
Sian. Where's my DBSK MVs?!

2007-08-21T14:40:00.001+08:00

I'm not saying that you MUST help me.
I'm asking if you could pity me for once and help me.

I'm looking for the lyrics of Million Man, obviously sung by DBSK
I only have the chinese one, I'm looking for the korean romanized one
Blah. I spent time searching just now and I found websites...
On dozens of millionaires, and how to become a millionaire quick
Which is spastic, because I put lyrics and DBSK there
and I get results about rich people
Haiyah. I think I'll just drag Jasmine to help me
I can't operate a darn printer
Ain't I a failure?

2007-08-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

Battling the Odds

With less than five weeks left to the End Year Exams… I should try to pull up my flagging grades even if the odds are against me. As the teacher called for the collection of our common test papers, I stared uselessly at my half-done script and prayed for the best. My thoughts just spun around in my head, refusing to give me peace until I came up with a solution.

Week after week, I have sat through one test after another. Frankly speaking, I am all ready to give up even before I have even started. Ever since I entered secondary school and gained possession of my tablet PC, I have kept myself well occupied to bother about anything else, such as, my homework and studies. I have since sunk into a routine of hastening to finish homework during my recess and lunch periods. Needless to say, I have neglected my studies. Now I find it a struggle to keep up in Literature and Science lessons, and while I find English and Mathematics relatively simple, I simply do not get enough practice to do well in those two subjects. As for Chinese, I have not the heart to continue any longer.

I have played, I have lied and I have lied some more. My file conveniently goes missing every other week when all my extended deadlines have ended. Only then will rush to complete those assignments, I am exceptionally lucky that teachers trust me so.

I shot my best friend Lynette a crooked grin across the tables as I struggled to keep my tears from spilling out. Excited chatter arose as I made my way back to my table and my lack of response was more than enough to deter my classmates from comparing answers. Surprisingly, my dam of tears held until I reached home, my noisy haven from school.

Feeling ridiculously anti-social, I yelled at my brother when he greeted me with a cheerful outburst of words recounting his day. He was abnormally quiet for once, and yet I felt no guilty conscience for dampening the jovial atmosphere. Walking into my bedroom, I growled nastily when I found my sister flipping through my cherished DBSK memorabilia even though I had given her my permission just that morning.

She started to protest but that died down when she noticed my barely retrained trembling. My sister scrambled to keep my stuff and gave me a cautious smile before she slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Sinking to my knees, I stared in horror at my hands. In horror that I had snuffed out my brother’s bright spirit and that I had wrongly flared up against my sister. The dam that had been so faithful on my way home cracked as tears just trickled down. I hugged my knees in dejection, I never seemed to be able to excel in anything.

For a short period of time, I was the family’s creative brain, until my sister joined an Art Club and usurped my position. I had never been diligent in my studies, and I never became better when I entered secondary one, and my sister primary three. So while I was failing one test after another, my sister was topping her class in every other subject. I was jealous, not only of my sister’s academic performance but of every other thing she had. Her looks, her friends, her material possessions, not forgetting the attention my parents showered on her when she did well, and I was tired of it.

I leaned against my bed frame and thought hard about my previous achievements. The time in primary three when I had topped the school for science, in primary four when I had topped the class for English, and in primary six when I had topped the class and had done better than many in the advanced classes for my PSLE with a score of 247. Not forgetting that almost a year ago when I had been informed of my new position at Treasurer of my CCA. It was not much, but it had been one of my proudest moment in secondary one.

Perhaps I could still have a chance at performing well again. After all, I had five more weeks. With careful planning, I have a chance of replicating my success for PSLE when I had only started studying a month before those major exams. Six years of work as compared to a year of studies, surely it would not be that hard.

I rubbed my eyes and smiled feebly at the wall, if I was to start battling the odds for those elusive grades, I might as well start with improving my relationship with my brother and sister.

While I am sure that it would be a bumpy ride, while I am sure that going against everything that I created myself will be hard. Even if I do not do well despite everything, I still have my conscience. At least I can say that I did my best, and I will prove to everyone that I am indeed trying.

=====+=====
My finished product. And it sucks. Big Time. Technically, I should be taking my time with it and producing something that I'm satistied with. But it's so rare that I'm ever satisfied with my own essays. I seem to have an apitude for introductions but I stink at the body and conclusion, always. I concluded the entire thing in three hundred words luh. And the entire thing is exactly 855words long. Urgh. I have a headache, but I have to wait for Jasmine to finish watching that Bleach episode, before I drag her to the Monet lab to help me print my compo. Then I'll chiong home and start re-drawing my art assignment one. Then the next day after school, I'll paint it and hand it in to Ms Goh. Sounds so simple, but it just ain't. I've told myself to do the exact same thing for weeks, and look where it has gotten me. Ah wells... Since I've posted my compo up, I can get it outta my mind.

And Sophy, I'll think about the offer. Can I take a look at it first? :D I might be able to afford it by next week if it's a tad bit cheaper than $25. LOL.

2007-08-21T12:51:00.000+08:00

And I'm back here again. LOL.
It's supposed to be class interaction... Where's Mr Ho?
My battery died, so I'm using hann's.
And I'm supposed to be chionging my Battling the Odds compo
I finished the introduction last night, and it's 500 words long
Strangely enough, it reflects what's kinda happening to me.
Ah wells... I'm just be lame and dump what I've done here
I need help to continue it!
Then I have to chiong art tonight. Blah

Battling the Odds (Introduction)
With less than five weeks left to the End Year Exams… I should try to pull up my flagging grades even if the odds are against me. As the teacher called for the collection of our common test papers, I stared uselessly at my half-done script and prayed for the best. My thoughts just spun around in my head, refusing to give me peace until I came up with a solution.

Week after week, I have sat through one test after another. Frankly speaking, I am all ready to give up even before I have even started. Ever since I entered secondary school and gained possession of my tablet PC, I have kept myself well occupied to bother about anything else, such as, my homework and studies. I have since sunk into a routine of hastening to finish homework during my recess and lunch periods. Needless to say, I have neglected my studies. Now I find it a struggle to keep up in Literature and Science lessons, and while I find English and Mathematics relatively simple, I simply do not get enough practice to do well in those two subjects. As for Chinese, I have not the heart to continue any longer.

I have played, I have lied and I have lied some more. My file conveniently goes missing every other week when all my extended deadlines have ended. Only then will rush to complete those assignments, I am exceptionally lucky that teachers trust me so.

I shot my best friend Lynette a crooked grin across the tables as I struggled to keep my tears from spilling out. Excited chatter arose as I made my way back to my table and my lack of response was more than enough to deter my classmates from comparing answers. Surprisingly, my dam of tears held until I reached home, my noisy haven from school.

Feeling ridiculously anti-social, I yelled at my brother when he greeted me with a cheerful outburst of words recounting his day. He was abnormally quiet for once, and yet I felt no guilty conscience for dampening the jovial atmosphere. Walking into my bedroom, I growled nastily when I found my sister flipping through my cherished DBSK memorabilia even though I had given her my permission just that morning.

She started to protest but that died down when she noticed my barely retrained trembling. My sister scrambled to keep my stuff and gave me a cautious smile before she slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Sinking to my knees, I stared in horror at my hands. In horror that I had snuffed out my brother’s bright spirit and that I had wrongly flared up against my sister.

........
---=---
And Mr Ho's here. I'm not going online to MLG. Never.
What else can I write? I should have stayed up late and let my itching fingers take over luh. Now I have to speed think and type to complete the stupid thing AND print it out. If only Ms Seow accepted email one... Blah. Anyways. Maybe Rising Sun, the korean and japanese version will give me some inspiration. Oh yeah... I saved the playlist that I was listening to last night! Okie. I'll go listen to that one and think...

2007-08-20T18:19:00.001+08:00

It's funny how I run to my blog whenever I need to clear my head.
The one place where I know everyone can assess.
I'm starting to wonder if I actually like people reading my thoughts.
Heh. As many of us know, today's test sucked. Big Time.
I have to agree with Harriet nowadays.
Blah. 4 marks gone because I didn't think straight..
I thought that they won't be like my tuition teacher.
I thought that I knew everything.
In short, I was just complacent.
D: I just have to depend on my algebra to pull me through.
I'll probably cry if I can't even pass with at least two marks to spare.

On a lighter note, I finally completed the third wallpaper that I was working on. I started on friday and took my time cropping the Yunho picture. I had long finished the background, was playing with Fireworks one day and ended up with something that looks like a square swirl. I originally intended to find a totally black figure of a dancing woman to put on the left.

BUT I JUST CAN'T FIND IT.

Serious. I've tried every combination of 'black', 'woman', 'dancing', 'figure', I even went as far to try 'notebook'. I've seen it before somewhere, with an mp3.
But I quite like it this way, very simple, with a picture and three words. Less flashy than my other two. My first was black and white, then my second was totally yellow. I became near blind after I switched on my tablet at 12midnight.

Maybe I'll get on with the cropping of Junsu from one of the pictures on Sop's blog. I let my sis try cropping it yesterday, and even though she's very zi si, after three hours, I saw no difference in the cropping. So I gave her an exasperated look and told her that it was fantastic and 'pleaded' with her to get my little brother off my back. LOL. I appreciate her offer, but she hogged my tablet for THREE hours and had NO end result. If only the darn picture wasn't so small, or if it had a bigger resolution. I'll deal with it tonight I guess, somehow. Maybe I'll start all over again, to minimise the heartache should I notice any small part missing from Junsu's cropping. Not that I have any idea what I want to do with the picture.

Won't it be too gay if I paste Junsu's picture on my current wallpaper? I think I still prefer the black figure when I compare it to the thought of Junsu and Yunho in the same wallpaper, with the words 'Just Lose It'. I can come up with a dozen mentally sick scenarios to justify the title.

*Cough* I think I'll just kope more pictures from Lynette, since she's better at finding them. She got me 40 new Yunho picture :O That's unbelievable. She still could tell me that she got bored and decided to stop! >.O I'm a failure. Eyy Sop... Can send me some of your pictures of Micky and Yunho? Please? Pretty please? :D (even though you'll probably yell at me because of the end result)

I feel different, suddenly.

2007-08-20T12:50:00.001+08:00

My taste in music seem eclectic.
I've progressed so much since I really started listening.
LOL. My mum thinks that I change my taste too fast
So far, only Groban and DBSK seem to be holding out
Heh. Now I'll test my theory.
I'll recount the songs I've liked, for DBSK bah. Since it's so recent
1. I Believe (I still do like it loads)
2. O
3. Begin
4. Hi Ya Ya
5. Holding Back the Tears
6. My Destiny
7. Somebody to Love
8. Hug (I still do like it loads)
9. Rising Sun - Korean (I prefer jj's vocals here)
10. Rising Sun - Japanese (I prefer js's vocals and video role here)
11. Unforgettable (it mirrors too many people)
12. Whatever They Say (lol. out of all, I remain my 'love' for this the most. It IS acapella after all)
13. Triangle (though BoA stands out more, but DBSK played an important role)
14. Eternal (so who sang it anyway? sop, where are you?)
15. Sky (Well... There's yunho rapping? but I like the middle and the ending)
16. Drive (What's wrong with me? I have no idea...)
17. Dangerous Mind (Current addiction. Pump that pump that...~)

Wow. 17 songs in one month... Or is it two months? Ain't I the best at this?

2007-08-19T19:43:00.000+08:00

Just in case I need to clarify, I have two monkeys now (if you include the one zae nicknamed for me)
I promptly got a new one this morning in church.
Heh.

I don't know how much more thick you can be. But hell, it seems that it's the norm. Do I need to scream and cry before you truly understand?

2007-08-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

To the one person who should know most:
Sop, even if I'm not close to you, even if it's DBSK that binds us together the most.
We can't change what others think.
We can't change what they're biased against.
Though we can touch them with what we have :)
That paragraph of yours was fantastico!
Hahas...
I first thought YC was the most loved one.
Seriously. I did.
But then again, who can't love the pretty boy jj?
*note to all, not JJ Lin*
so I repeat again, YC's vocals are sexxy...
And he's hot, though wavy hair looks a tad bit odd.

Now... I think a number of people won't understand
But heck, since I'm in this stage already,
No point being quiet.
LOLZ.
Too bad Jasmine!
I arrowed you and you did it!
Anyways... maths.
I hope there's loads of algebra, map and scale, everything excluding congruency and statistics.
I hate 'em

2007-08-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

**Never Understood**

You never knew what it was like. You just thought you knew. The truth is, you never understood.

I once hoped. I had hoped there was a chance we'd be close
But then again I never knew you
While I could predict your actions, your words
I just never knew your heart

I believed. That you would be the friend I'd longed for.
But weren't I, a slumbering fool
Guileless and trusting, to all
Never knew your thoughts

I had hoped, that it'll be, better than before
But it just won't work, has never worked, and never ever more
While it hurts, and while it stings, while I hope some more
Just want to know, I just want to feel what it feels
What it feels like...To be a friend

I had thought, that it would different from them all
I thought perhaps, we both, had a chance
Perhaps I was just asking for too much
That I was asking for much more... Too much

I was just hoping. Asking too much. I'm sorry.

**I Believe**

**Ain’t it. Isn’t it. Do it.**
It's kinda funny how I was there, and now you aren't
It's really odd that I'm still here, but you're long gone
It makes a difference when you aren't, or are here
It really affects me when you talk, or your lack of.

Wasn't I there when you needed me, wasn't I?
Weren't I always ready for your emotions, weren't I?
Why aren't you here for me when I need it, why?
Why aren't you ready to carry my heart, why?

Ain't I on the giving end, ain't I?
Ain't you on the receiving end, ain't you?
Am I ready to accept the truth, am I?
Are you ready to accept it then, are you?

It's kinda funny how I turn, how I brush it off
It's really odd that I'm waiting, but you ain't coming
It makes a differnce when I run, or turn back
It really affects me when we aren't together

Was I not a good friend, was I not?
Were I not here at call, were I not?
Are you not my friend, are you not?
Aren't you beside me, aren't you?

Ain't I trying my best, ain't I?
Are you not seeing it, are you?
Do I want to lose you, do I?
Do I want to break free, do I?

Perhaps it best that I see you not
Perhaps it best that I walk away
Perhaps it best that I forget...

**Anger. Distrust.**

It’s odd how I want to type out a blog post and it evolves into a baffling poem.
Heh. Today’s been taxing again. I guess both emotionally and physically
Bad cramps the entire day, then I had to walk nearly all the way back to school.
Then science lesson was just a mix of conflicting emotions. I just don’t get it.

Don’t come tagging with ‘sorry’ again Azalea, it has nothing to do with you
Hope you’re ok Hannah! Your eye still pain?
Lynette, wo wu hua ke shuo le.

Science lesson was werid…
*from left to right*
Petrina, qiqi, jovina, yeeshan, Hannah, lynette
At the table, and for once, I got a black chair. LOL.
I brought Azalea’s birthday present with me to eat
Ended up passing it around, and five maltase became 1 when I got back to class
Lynette said I was… Was… Was what?
Anyways, because I lifted up skirt to sit properly
Then she was giving me that look
So I told her that I wasn’t flashing my school shorts at her
Never quite thought that we could lead to such a conversation
So we burst out in hysterical laughter, then Petrina suddenly laughed
Was it because of my remark?

I kinda listened to science for once, but I was concentrating more on that ‘poem’ at the top. It’s kinda based on DBSK’s – I Believe.
You know, Midoyo – I once hoped.
Then it escalated to something more.
So… weird. It sounded ok yesterday, like it fit with the song.
Then suddenly everything’s al changed.
Blah. I don’t quite get myself at times…

Then my bloody zen stone.
Ok, it’s not bloody, but then it cost me a lot.
I’m gonna bring it back to Gain City because there’s something wrong with the battery.
This means that I have to delete all my songs inside. Bah.
1.5GB of songs. I want to cry.
Spent so much time slowly picking songs to sync in,
And then I have to take it out.
I left it in school when I first left school
And I didn’t realise that it wasn’t there until I was on the second bus home
So I got off, and took 75 the other way, and got off one stop early
Hell. So I walked all the way to busstop opposite tanglin.
And spent ten minutes waiting for a bus
Everything seemed against me at that time
Bah. I got out of school at about 3p.m. and got back in at 4p.m.
So I spent sometime with Da Jie – Yeeshan.
She taught me to make a straw heart!
I’ve got butterfingers, I can’t hold on to the straw properly
Ended up she help me half the time
HAHAHA…

Vent
**
I don’t know if you ever understood me, or whether I ever did. It used to be so simple for you and me. Just the two of us, nothing really mattered to me. But now that we’ve both socialised, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Is it right to feel hurt, to feel rejected if you asked to look at what I wrote, and then told me that you couldn’t be bothered? My hopes were just dashed in an instant. Was it that hard? Haven’t I always been there, helping you in your literary pursuits whenever I could? Have I ever once told you that I wanted to take a look at your story, and then told you that I couldn’t be bothered? Have you ever asked yourself?
I just don’t know whether it’s for real or not. I thought that I could count of you, but perhaps I’m just as pathetic as I once hoped against. No one will now if I’m down. You certainly won’t. Every single one of them out there won’t. Why does it take a stranger to figure out my shielded emotions and ask me if I’m alright. Why is it that you people just don’t get it? I’m just tired, and sick of catering to everyone’s needs.
So what if I’m there for everyone? So what if you think that I can be nice. So what? Is that gonna change how I’m treated by those I trust, is it? I wish, if it were that simple, I wouldn’t have cared a long time ago.
It’s a wonder how I can’t shed a tear at real-life touching episodes, and crying over my pathetic predicament comes so easily to me now. Have I really dried up all my tears of gladness for those already rare, happy times? It is really all gone, is it now unappreciated? Heh. I don’t know anymore. I’m just wandering aimlessly.

I’m just worn out. I’m just being as dumb as can be. I’m not living life as I should, praising God. I’m just thinking that he abandoned me. Why?
**

As my mum comments, I look (and I am) tired

How though, you can figure out yourself.

Random Thoughts
- Orange and purple. Is it just me, or is Micky Yoochun the only one who can pull off such a fashion statement?
- I’m gonna cry if I fail science or/and geography.
- Maths seems fun for once
- Will my hair be puffy tomorrow?
- I’m dreading bible study tomorrow. Eudora’s trauma and me. Joy.)
- BoA is definitely better Tri-Angle compared to DBSK and The Trax (both vocals and the video)
- However, I still prefer DBSK over The Trax
- I like Yunho’s feather at the eyes, even if it’s pointless
- Oh, I finally know what Micky kinda sounds like.
- Ain’t Tri-Angle like Rising Sun in terms of style?
- Perhaps watching too many videos has addled my brain.
- I am really tired.
- It’s only 9 and I’m yawning my head off
- Changmin is undoubtedly the best for punk/angst
- Maybe I’ll skip liking Junsu and jump to Changmin
- But I will not like Yoochun
- BoA IS chio, odd that I never realised. I <33 her vocals.
- Ain’t I just rambling, you were warned.
- I need to change my wallpaper, yellow is too bright now
- But I’m too lazy to go complete the ‘Just Lose It’ themed one.
- Gah. I’ll probably use Yunho’s picture. But I need to change the of the background
- Ah darn it, where’s that 2006 common test paper?

2007-08-16T08:24:00.000+08:00

Azalea koped from Ling's and Vana's blog, and I got arrowed. Blah. I feel like a retard.

Each player starts off by naming ten weird habits or facts about one’s self. At the end, tag six friends and they’ll have to do the same too. No tagging back.

1. The dreams that I tend to remember often (somehow) involve marvel comics characters

2. I can only concentrate on really liking a band/singer one by one. Remember Josh Groban, and quite recently DBSK? But I'm working on it, I'm mixing songs into my playlist, but I still prefer one whole shot of similar vocals.

3. I tend to be more serious and quiet in school as compared to at home. Though I do have serious thoughts while at home.

4. I occasionally talk to myself. Heh. It's amusing what I can think of when I pretend to talk to my interpretation of some famous celebrity.

5. I like 'hanging out' in my room at a corner between my bed frame and the window wall, it's really cool down there. Cool as in the temperature. Get that right.

6. I like looking at least a bit tanned. It freaks me out if I start looking like... a tad bit ghostly.

7. No matter how much I tidy my desk, it's messy in a day. And stays that way for long time

8. I can help others, but I can't seem to help myself. Emotionally I mean.

9. I spend my money at one go. I can't plan well enough, it's either loads of money discomposing at some corner, or an empty wallet

10. I sleep under my quilt no matter what. Even if it's hot as hell, I need to be under the quilt, or I'll get a bad blocked nose in the morning, warm weather or not.

Arrow

Harriet

Hannah

Petrina

Shermin

Jasmine

Sophy

Basically I'm hai-ing all those who have hai-ed me before. HAHAHA... Though I do owe Shermin a letter... For months already... Heh.

2007-08-15T14:09:00.000+08:00

I hoped to be a tad bit acquainted with you, if not friends
But now, I just depise you and that bimbo attached to you
Leave me out of this, I'm not ready to accept someone like you
I won't be implicted in yet another friendship war
I don't care if it doesn't involve school
It's still part of my life, and I refuse to turn my world around
If I must, I'll be taking up arms, against you
Yes, against you.
You made the cut on our friendship,
the day you walked away to her,
the day you didn't heed my cry for help,
the day you decided that you wanted something else.
You turned me against you,
and I won't be nice to forgive you
Not even if you grovel in the dirt,
Or try to clean my shoe.
Go away, you're nothing but a loser

2007-08-14T17:05:00.000+08:00

LOL.
I've been charging my zen stone since nine this morning
It had better be fully charged!
Or I'll go complain to Gain City
Heh. I charge it for three hours,
and it's only two bars full
I didn't try and see how long it lasted
I wouldn't want to kill it so easily right?
Or maybe not.
Ah wells.

I believe we all agree that E-learning was a flop today
Poor Ms Goh, and poor me too!
I'm gonna be killed on thursday during CCA
For the cca photos and this...
blah.

2007-08-14T10:44:00.000+08:00

i know i'm not supposed to be like this
i'm aware that most want me to be hyper
but it just goes against me, and what i've been
can you understand how hard it is to constantly adapt?
how hard it is to constantly keep on my toes on as lookout?
how's it happy-high one day, then fakey-high the next?
if you want me to be a fake, a mask, an getting better actress,
then i will. but no promises that i'll do it good
no promises that i'd ever not change
i do change, you just don't realise

you simply have no idea
perhaps i should thank sound now
without my refuge in music, i'd be an empty shell
i don't know if you'll ever read this
but i hate being not me
just for your sake.

2007-08-13T18:37:00.000+08:00

GASP.
I can't use my zen stone while it's charging
HANNAHH!!!!

Azalea. Don't scare about the nutty- whatever.
In the Somebody to Love MV
Changmin looks like a monkey!
Xiah looks like a guy!
Jae Joong looks like an Ah Beng!
Micky looks like Mickey Mouse!
And Yunho looks like a teen!

OMG.
Not a good hour after all.

2007-08-13T18:04:00.000+08:00

NEW LOVES
1. Floorball
2. Zen Stone Plus, MINE.
3. DBSK (still recent)
4. P.E. (thank floorball for that)
5. Science (i hope so, as long as i do well for the common test)
6. Harriet (quite recent right?)

And I suddenly can't think of anything else.
Blah, I had an entire list made up in my own
I don't really have any reason, but I just like them

Floorball cause... I managed to actually save some balls last week?
And it's fun, pretty auto-mindless whacking that I do
It keeps my mind of me, and my actual, horrigible grades

My Zen Stone... Because I finally don't have to listen to music through my tablet
even if it takes forver to charge
and that i've been annoying hannah because i freak out
everytime there's something different about it. lolz

DBSK. What else can I say?
HOTT. And cute. And pretty. And sweet. And innocent. And punk.
LALALALA~ Don't correct me on that
I predict that if I over-listen to them,
I'll probably have a period of time where I'll completely dao it
Just like my poor Groban songs,
though I listened to the Awake cd with my mp3 not too long ago

PE. heh. i did kinda like it, until it became all about ridiculous stuff like
rugby (hannah will kill me :D), and running and nothing at all interesting
for me anyway
though it's dangerous to play with the audrey group.
wait. against the audrey group
since i'm actually supposed to be in there, but switched with deena today
i have a blueblack on my wrist, my right. again
and i nearly got whacked on the head, twice nearly.
ah wells, sorry for throwing that fit in the morning
but i was damn pissed at being seemingly targeted by the group
like. retribution for switching with deena?

Science. Today's paper seemed easier. For once
Amanda K. had to scare me so much right?
I should have sacrificed my hearing ability for the sake of blocking her out
Blah

Harriet. I don't think I need to explain that.
Just refer to the previous post if you have no idea

Oh, and meiji milk. haha... cheap and good!

2007-08-10T11:19:00.000+08:00

When I start depending on someone for that extra light in life, yeah.
It is time to start looking for others to hang out with
And we all don't know what we already have,
Until someone gives us an extra something to perk us up.
Thank Harriet, I never knew that a short note would do so much...
I quote from what she wrote :-

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :)
hahh :) ok. I got you only a few things... sorry lah! :)
cannot find abosolute boyfriend 3. so... not my fault. :)
hah :) love you! :)

<3 harriet"

Note the bolden parts. I typed almost exactly what she wrote. I can't control the spaces between the letters and the words lah!
(sorry harriet. don't kill me if you read this. <33 you too!)

I never really thought about it... How I always had friends around me, whether they were obviously by my side or in the background.

Neither did I really ponder over what kind of friendship I had with Harriet, Ziq, Valencia, Eudora, Deborah, Cara, aiyah. Just all those people who I don't hang out with regularly but occasionally keep in touch with. Church, random acquaintances, my mortals, my angels, everyone that has talked to me, and seen several different sides of me.

Christy when I got real pissed at her for something related to harriet

Ziq when I also got pissed for something related to hannah
(why is it all related to people with the letter 'h'?)

Valencia and our new DG, and my birthday

Deborah and Cara with my random happy-hyper moods, the polar opposite of my usually reserved self in church.

Eudora, when I keep silent about my problems to the DG

My dear mortals as a whole when we used crapped letters all the time
(though it applies more to harriet now)

My beloved angels when I was the naive sec one girl
(though i do dao huiqi nowadays)

And people in class, when I get annoyed that they forget that I'm the one actually holding the key now. Am I being possessive over the class key? When I suddenly blow up because people just can't keep quiet for a while so that Mr Ho will finish talking and leave me alone to worry about the key. I have no need for him to chase after me any more. I'm like, the feminine junior Mr Ho when it concerns the class key and tablets!

(for those who haven't noticed, I don't look closely for tablets anymore. why bother when I keep yelling and killing my happy brain cells for something as trivial as your tablet? if you lose it, is it my fault? I lock the door, I watch out for the door. I'm not obliged to do much else, in case you really don't know. I'm not your maid for damn's sake. ok. I will not get mad over such an old matter, where was I?)

Seriously Harriet, I don't know how to tell you face to face, but the reason I got mad at you the other time when you met up with Aricia and Azalea for Blackbox, was because I was jealous. Yes, me jealous. You were always so... causal with me, never really took me seriously, except for several occasions, so I just got irked that you seemingly treated Azalea better than me. And I'm sorry, and I regret having ever doubted you and your 'motives'. Thank you for regularly sms-ing me random stuff, whether you know it or not. I find it odd if I don't sms you at least once every two days. Honest. It's like something comforting, something that reassures me now. Even if I do get annoyed at you from time to time, over what though, I'm not too sure. And when you call me on the phone, just as I'm gonna board the bus. I don't know how you have such good timing but yeah. Thank you loads! Love you muches too! And don't doubt that. <33 Oh and, thanks for remembering what comics I had. It seems like a small matter to be brushed away, but the fact that you actually remembered my words, it just touched me when I opened your present. Want something to pester Christy? Chase her to return my Absolute Boyfriend 4 & 5. It's been two weeks and that dolt can't move her bum to bring the mangas to class for me. Heh. :D

Azalea. Sorry that I unconsciously implied that you treated me like a reusable garbage bag. (did I quote my words right?) I'm just unstable, from the sudden changes in school, and even at home. I do still call you one of my closest friends ok! It's just that occasionally... It hits me harder than if really should, then I start comparing to all my failed friendships in primary school. Heh. I apologise to having to make you feel back over my emotional health. heh. I feel spastic. <33

(I'm hungry. But I really need to finish this before I forget everything)

Ziq. Heh. We had the oddest friendship ever. I still remember that sms you sent me the other time when I felt really poetic and went on and on about the wind and stuff. My stomach right? LOL. It came as a huge surprise that you would actually remember my birthday... Despite the problems linked with Hann and Chris, I'm glad you still remember, and seriously, I don't know why I get annoyed with you over the oddest, most trivial stuff. We're still friends right?
As you said, a friend is not like the rain that comes and goes, but like the wind... (then. err.) who's always there, sometimes apparent, sometimes hiding in the background.
Something like that right? I saved the sms, but I lost it after I switched my SIM card into my mum's phone for a while. Blah. But I still remember the meaning, :) and it made me realise what an idiot that I've been all this while. I do hope you read this, I can't remember your blog url, except that it was kinda cheem. Or I once commented that it was kinda cheem.

Hannah. Knowing you, you won't even bother to read through the entire post. LOL. Whatever it is, stay strong, and don't forget that, no matter who I choose to be friends with, you still occupy a part of me. :) And that I'm always there for my friends, as long as I can.

Amelia. I'm not sure if you still read this, but heck. Were you referring to me in one of your posts? Heh. I'm not sure, but thanks for giving me those looks to jolt me outta my bad dreams. Whether you are aware of it or not...

Petrina. We have a really odd friendship going on here. We talk to each other online and on tagboards but hardly ever in school. Is it me, or we just can't seem to click? You're always so hyper and stuff, while I'm just... Quiet? Or emo, as people put it. Heh. But thanks for remembering my birthday! How do I use the stamp pen thing to stamp stuff eh? And, when is your birthday anyway? you didn't tell me the other time luh.

Lynette. She won't read this. I'm sure of it. I'm not even sure if anyone will be make it down to this part. It's a long long post for thanks yous and regrets and stuff, on my birthday. Anyways, I'll just type it out, at least to remember and reflect on when I next read it again. The one and only sweet, naive, and occasionally blur expartner. It felt weird that I left you to partner hannah. but it did help you open up and make more friends, so I guess I should be glad...

Who else. Who else. I can smell the chicken my sister is eating!

Jessie. Yeah luh. I know I'm looking emo this few days. I quite like this emo phrase, people seem more distant. LOL. JUST KIDDING.

I can't think of anyone else who will read this blog...
Ah wells, time to reply Harriet's sms and tell her she got featured on my blog, a lot. And I'll go eat an early lunch. My sister is waving a yummylicious-looking chicken sandwich in my face, and then I'll try making moccha freeze, with loads of chocolate inside! heh. I don't quite dread my birthday anymore. Even if my DG forgot. and that my grandma packed herself to my uncle's house for a few days.

Shouldn't I just be glad of what I have?
Simplicity is just what I want, so I've discovered this year...

Loads of love everyone!

Oh, and I made another new wallpaper! LOL. I woke up early today, so I spent about two hours touching up on the pictures that I used. I'm gonna try making on for Harriet, since I'm online, I can search for Harriet-related pictures yeah? lol...

2007-08-08T22:35:00.001+08:00

Oh. Did I mention it? This is the 101st post. Yeah.
Just came to blog for fun.
Just cursing how it's my luck that I still happen to like an artiste who likes to take 6 interviews in three days. Mean = 2 a day.
I can't possibly read everything in 10 minutes.
I'm not going to speed read.
Though, if only DBSK was like that...
Pity.Pity.Pity.
Their Acappella singing is quite good...
Ah wells, just random typing
Jasmine wished me an early birthday on her blog!
whoots~

2007-08-08T18:51:00.000+08:00

"Anthony likes the front view" UpperSecGuy
"Hunh? What you talking about?" HisSchoolMate
Since this afternoon, 1p.m. plus, I'm still fuming with that remark
From an upper sec guy who boarded the bus at Pei Hwa
I don't regret letting my bag hit his knee consequtively now
That idiot.
Bad enough that I nearly missed my stop because of his puny friend
I will kill him if I can ever get my hands on his neck
I swe- I promise. No, I will give him my best death glare if I ever see him again
I will.
Hmpf.
I'm well aware of what he's referring to, even though Felicia had no idea when I was cursing him when I had lunch with her.

Heh. Today wasn't good. I felt like I was just contaminating the jovial atmostphere with my seemingly emo mood. Jessie told me I looked scary. Yeesh. Thanks loads everyone!
I can't help it that I actually can look scary when I'm not being unexpectedly hyper right? It's either a really freakily hyper Rui Qi, or a quiet Rui Qi.
Elvira commented that I changed mood real fast.
Pissed one minute, all happy and smiley the next
Well Elvira, that's because I was talking to you, and you're a fellow DBSK fan!
Haha...
Let's see.
Petrina and Harriet already gave me presents.
Felicia and Azalea forgot theirs'
Hannah wanted to go buy something this afternoon
Jasmine, Elvira, actually, nearly the entire class had no idea
But they did wish me an early happy birthday.
When I was gan ga at the canteen with them singing a birthday song, Crescent style
LOL.
Eventful day.
Though I was kinda 'indifferent' to Janice and Felicia
But I have a hunch as to what Petrina gave me
And I already know what Harriet gave me
If it was really the past copy, it's definitely the out-of-print one that I got
Felicia might get me another bracelet,
I accidently broke the very nice one she gave me on the day I received it
Still haven't gotten round to super-glueing it back
Nak.Nak.Nak.Nak.Nak.Nak.Nak.Nak.
No idea what Azalea and Hannah will get
I don't want to think of it, since I'm always so vague
Though Azalea gave me a notebook last year
I'm still using it, though it's a lot of junk written inside
Heh. So now I'm hoping that my relatives will get the hint
That I want version D of DBSK's latest album
it's the best version, and only $8 more expensive
A good deal, to think of it...
Anyways, I'm hungry, and I just battled an impending gastric away
I need to eat to make sure I don't suffer it again
Chaoz for now...

2007-08-07T18:49:00.000+08:00

heh.
i just don't trust you anymore
in fact.
i don't trust every single one of you
i never know what you're mocking me
i never know when it's genuine
and i find myself pathetic
but what am i to do?
i've lost hope.
that i'll ever have that good friend
i just hate you
every single one of you who pretended
but honestly don't quite care
until you require a listening ear
thanks loads people
at least i know that you offload everything onto me
that i'm just the reusable garbage bag for problems
i owe you all loads don't I?

2007-08-07T18:34:00.001+08:00

There once again comes a time when I just to hide from the world

Ms Goh. Wan Ying. Karmaine. Janeen.

You know what?

I'm in love with the Keller house cheer, and I absolutely love my comm position at Art Club

I just love everything that I screwed up today

CCA photo money collection. Summary. House Cheer

I'm sorry Janeen!

I promise I'll memorise everything by tomorrow night.

I promise.

This is the least that I have to do right before we end school for nearly a week

If you still think that I'm worthy enough, yeah...

I just hate this term

And I just dread my 14th birthday

You never really thought what agreeing to partner with Lynette would do, did you?

Heh. I don't know what to think anymore luh

I just feel like one jealous bitch who's hiding under a Ms Nice facade

I'm so sorry everyone...

2007-08-04T11:06:00.000+08:00

heh. thanks a lot luh
you see that so many of them manage to get out of crescent
so you think that i can now get in eh?
thanks a lot luh ma
thanks a lot
shows how much faith you have in me

And not forgetting that my entire DG has forgotten my birthday
And they're going out today to celebrate Michells' birthday
Whose birthday is a day after mine
Heh.
Go U-Know!
Acting as it is, I have faith that you'll help Sooyun survive the trial!

2007-08-03T09:05:00.000+08:00

heh. i don't know what to say about maths lah
in a sense, i was asking for it
it seems now that even though i studied only a little during the front part of the year
my studying then seems to be better then now
so much for putting in my heart into it for once luh
i'm quite prepared to fail all my common tests now
dare i tell me mother about my chinese common test and math class test marks?
i hate it when they give me that look
when i know that they're comparing me to my sister
damn those genes
damn me

2007-08-03T07:59:00.001+08:00

Sometimes... These things just aren't worth it,
And I know it.
But yet, I still refuse to believe,
That I can live without it, without them
After all, what are a bunch of famous people,
Compared to who I have around me?
I just don't get it, why that obsession
Why that ache when I'm away,
From it, from them, for a long while?
Eyecandy?
Assurance that I still like one of the rest?
Desperation?
Refuge from what I am?
Hell, the more I try to forget it
The more I get sucked into that void
What's the use of trying to be happy,
When it just turns around,
And gives you double the negative impact?
What's the use of being there for everyone,
for swallowing all the anger for that concern to show,
When in the end; It's just not working out for me?

Heh. It's just weird.
Being caught up with look and such, what others think of me
What was trivial to me just a year ago, is now oh so important in my life
I find it quite odd that I'm obsessing over Jae Joong and DBSK, serious
When I'm think sanely at home, even when I'm watching their MVs
I just wonder, what happen to the old Rui Qi?
The Rui Qi that took life easy,
The Rui Qi who cared unconditionally
The Rui Qi who got along with others
The Rui Qi who loved life
The Rui Qi who didn't obsess
The Rui Qi, who took things for granted
Naive as I was, I miss the old me
Or perhaps it's just the really sad song that's getting into my head
Lol. I may not know the meaning of the lyrics,
but it seems that my subconscious knows perfectly well how sad it is
I don't need to listen to one of DBSK's songs,
To know how wayward my life has become
To know how much I've strayed from my own self
how much I've been lying to myself

It's like I'm losing the real motivation to live, to study, to smile
I'm just blindly jumping onto the bandwagon,
obsessing over people I really will never meet
and might not even like, let alone get along with
Pretty faces, empty shells, it's just a facade
Heh. Another sign that I've changed
I don't pour my feelings into a poem anymore
I just blog, and look emo.

From unbelievably high to stooping low down
I seem to swing from one mood change from day to day
I seem close at times, distant that others
Weird how I loved Groban for half a year
And suddenly jumped book in a week
Shows how superficial I am

What do I want in life?
Am I just giving superficial answers when asked so?
What do I want to do when I grow up?
Is it honesly the truth? or the school facade that hides me?
Why do I just lose those tears at the most unexpectant times?

Am I still me?

Truthfully speaking, no. I don't think so
I don't know what you others think, but I don't know
Ever remember screaming over a band, or even a guy last year?
Naive old me, certainly had a good, sheltered life
Wouldn't it be cool to meet DBSK or Groban?
I won't deny it, duh.
But remembering, I would have thought so too, but not gone psych over it
I'll even beg to ensure that I can go to Korea now
Months ago, Califonia would have been my choice destination
(Even if it was more expensive)
I would certainly love to know them, to befriend them
but i don't want to be an airhead, who works for money, who goes mad over celebs
I'm not saying that we're all superficial if we craze over celebs
But I think that I am superficial at this point of time
I don't appreciate DBSK or Groban for who they are
I appeciate them for what they have
And I hope and I dream, for the impossible
Will I ever be able to sing as well as them
The obvious answe is no
Will I ever be able to even sing as well as Lynette or Jovi?
The obvious answer is no
Why do I want to know those celebs?
Because I like them?
Why do I like them?
They have good vocals? They look hot?
does that sound like what I was?
Possibility of ever meeting them and befriending them for who they are,
is obviously zinch
there'll always be that fangirl in me, hidden deep down with her sudden high-pitched screaming
(Which, by the way, was perfected this year because of the aforementioned celebs)
And sudden anger at not getting what she wants

But perhaps, there's still a chance for me to focus?
there's still a chance for me to resist it, and bring it into control
Even if I spent the entire night thinking about this
and even if i lost the chance to finish my zuowen and sihan
at least i really got this out of my system
i don't know who will read through the entire thing
but i hope, that whoever reads this
Will help me through this period of mine

And pray that God will stand beside me and lend me strength to go against and resist my straying thoughts.

2007-08-01T20:53:00.000+08:00

heh. talking with azalea online now.
She called me and emo poot,
because...
Oh, because of my pm
People feeling unexpectedly low luh
Thank DBSK's Holding Back the Tears luh
I was listening to it
And now it's My Destiny
Sad/nice song
And it's Japanese
Yesss.
I can sing and actually pronounce it
LOL.
I don't think Holding Back the Tears and My Destiny should be right next to each other
It's depressing, even if I don't quite get the darn songs
Yes yes. I haven't posted for a long time
And I'm talking crap about my playlist
Well, I'm here on the pretense of downloading stuff for school
I think I'll really go download stuff
DBSK's videos I mean

2007-07-27T08:07:00.000+08:00

Who am I to not help her?
Who am I to push her away?
Who am I to walk away from it?
Who am I to ignore it?
Who am I if I'm that heartless?

Even if I was affected,
Should I not help her?

Is it not on my conscience to help a friend?

Strained at our friendship may be,
I promised to be there
So I will, when I'm needed

(by the way woman
be glad that i actually do your homework
you're simply asking a lot
when i don't need your help)

2007-07-26T09:08:00.001+08:00

Just when I thought things were over at last
Yeah Hannah, I know.
Do you think that I should worry? That I should care?
Or should I do what I'm best at, and just blow up and turn away?
You make a choice, it's about time we faced this problem

2007-07-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

My 90th post
So much has changed since this blog was started
But a lot has been changed within the week

I'm finally starting to comprehend myself, and accept it
(But I know for certain, that I'm not chio Azalea!)

I've grown closer with my bro, who I always viewed a cute boy
(But a pain-in-the-ass)

I've grown closer with my DG, knowing that they're there for me
(no matter what I'm like, that they care. For real)

I'm letting go of the past, of what it was like
(I still remember, what it's a reminder of what I can, and should do)

I'm starting to bring myself to care
(Don't cry Hannah! You just have to think more about it. Don't lose what many would call precious)

I'm just starting to shape into the new-old me
Yeah, I'm a slight be less sociable now, but I'll still be there for everyone when they need me. I am there most of the time right? :)

Ah wells, I'm feeling kinda happy. I should wake up happy. Have a good night and sweet dreams everyone!

Love, Ruiqi

2007-07-25T10:09:00.000+08:00

We seem to be playing a game of hide-and-seek on our blogs
oh wells, like I have much to say
That's too much to do right now...
For example,
Getting Matthew to jio one of those 5 girls
Getting Azalea to cheer up
Making Lynette less bimbotic? O.o
Ignoring the involved parties of a freak accident in church
Erm...
Finishing my next chapter for bs
relpying WiseAbsol in the next three days
Then...
Actually reading ONE chinese book, in one month
That's my goals for now
It might actually be possible...
Hmm...
Now to think of a way to counter Lynette...
lalala~

2007-07-24T16:25:00.000+08:00

Bye-bye together-ness
And welcome the loner back,
With a few changes of of course

2007-07-23T17:03:00.000+08:00

Need I say somemore?
Need you rub it in somemore?
Yeah, I already get your point
I'm not worth effort, while you are
I get it.
I'm not a dumb bitch
Unlike you

2007-07-23T10:44:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I want
But I know one thing, that it's over

Sometimes, it's better for some stuff to be left unsaid
I left enough clues, it's up to you to figure them out

2007-07-20T18:36:00.000+08:00

I hate it when I have to wait,
To close the door for everyone

I hate it when I stand there,
And watch everyone walk past me

I hate it when I lock the door,
And I know that no one is there with me

I hate it when I have to walk to class,
And have no friend beside me

I hate it when they come to me,
And say 'sorry' quietly

I hate it when you're all promising,
But never show up

I hate it when I'm deserted,
To see you walk away with others

I hate it when I know you're theirs,
And might never come back

I hate it when I'm stuck here,
With absolutely no route out

I hate it when you all pretend,
I hate it when I'm distanced

But I hate it the most,
When you're always not there

Wasn't being the Key Holder,
Suppoesed to be an easy job?

2007-07-18T19:02:00.001+08:00

"I miss you and the way it used to be."
- Unknown

And that pretty much sums up what I think. I sure do hope that you're reading this.

I confess that I had been at my tether's end that month when I blew up so many times in a row. I admit that this could have been avoided, or at least delayed. But as some say, better sooner than later.

I guess it couldn't have been avoided, reflecting at this point of time. You never quite understood me, did you? Except for that I listened to Josh Groban a damn lot. For a few weeks, we were exceptionally close, those were the honeymoon says. Till now, I wonder how I ever became your friend. How we ever found something inside each other that drew us closer. How had I ever believed that I could click with you.

I made mistakes, and I tried to make up for them since the start of term. But you wouldn't let go, would you? Feigned ignorance greeted repeated sentences. A sudden 'angry' look that flashes across your face when you see me.

Who are you? There's always this facade that hides everything. You show what you want, and what you need.

It's been eating at me, where did my loyalty fly to? Since when have I started questioning my friends' words? Since when have I feared misplacing my trust in anyone? Since when have I have had this constant fear of being thrown aside? Since when have I socially advanced yet retreated? Since when have I sought solace in music?

Since our friendship descended to another level. I didn't really know you well did I? Before we grouped together, you were just another virtual unknown, you were my classmate. That goes to show that you should hang out with someone a little while before you decide to trust them further. It always has to be like that, doesn't it? Friends that always seem to be there, may just detach themselves in a jifty. And friends that always seem distant, may just come closer to you in times of need.

I don't know what you think.
But I know you did tell someone about this
I swear, if I could, I wouldn't be avoiding you
But this is too awkward, too much
I did my best, I controlled my anger
I tried to patch up, but you pushed me away
Am I going to offer friendship again?
Perhaps, but you will never be my close friend ever again

So don't give me the bullshit about me and other friends talking less to you. We tried; you were the one who thought that she was always right, that she would get everything with no cost. You were the one who spurned me, you were the one who hopped from cliques to cliques. You were the one who sought to distance yourself from me. You feel left out? Wait till you experience what I went through. A best friend who suddenly becomes an acquaintance.

Friendships come at a cost, so I've learnt the hard way. But sometimes, I'd rather be a loner with a select few close friends.
Than go through such an experience again.

So don't forget. It's not that we're leaving you out, it's not that we didn't try. It's because you refused to accept it while the offer was still open.

Simply put, I give up on salvaging what's left. I don't care if you want something back. I don't care anymore. You've simply proved yourself to be not worth the tears, nor the effort.

I'm not going to close up to the rest, but I am going to close up to you. The 'betrayal' was simply to swiftly executed for me to fully come to terms with. It's not going to be me, but two can play the game, if you're interested. :)

2007-07-17T11:37:00.001+08:00

I wasn't superbly full lah azalea
oops.
read azalea's june 16th post if you don't understand
went to vivo with hannah and azalea yesterday
i swear that i walked at least 2km
and we went around and around the same two wings of vivo
spastic ain't it?
it's always the same two corners that i get lost in
drank mocha freeze, didn't finish it
azalea knocked into me and i dropped it onto the floor
i'm just gonna make this real short
it's hard to type without arousing suspicion in loo
haha... the we pang sei-ed hannah with chris
we azalea and i ended up walking all around again
and going into every clothe shop
:)
we went into esprit, then out to fox, then in to esprit again
we were that bo liao
clothes were nice lah
but a bit too pricey for my budget
seeing that i don't have my mum with me
i'll introduce my mum into the Fox apparrel one of these days
lol
if she readily bought that 99.90$ skirt for me
i might get away with Fox yet
hmm...
i need to revamp my wardrobe again
i'll ask for money for birthday instead
then i'll go shopping!
;D
oops. outta point
and then...
anyways. to cut the long story short
we ended up at the bookstore
we walked around to the children's section
complained about the classic's selection
and stumbled upon the psychology books
damn cool
but also expensive
maybe i'll sell hannah my lover's book when i'm done
everyone but me has read it
can you imagine that?

2007-07-17T11:26:00.000+08:00

One conclusion after attending the 14/07/07 NDP preview
I don't have the same passion for Singapore anymore
It just seems, like an extravagent affair
Nothing really much that brings Singaporeans together
I mean, you know them. you know them
you don't know them. you dao them
the retarded bright red fish that goes
"I am.
"I am.
"I am.
"I am Singapore."
Please lah.
What shit is that?
We've also gone operatic.
Not that I mind
But we're turning everything so western-y
Aren't we supposed to be uniquely Singapore?
Where's that blend of cultures?
Why the sudden increase in Western influences
and why won't the darn chris
just leave me alone
shit ass

2007-07-13T22:10:00.000+08:00

OH. before i forget
THIS IS THE 80th POST!!!
it's in roman numbers... cause i really can't remember how to spell 80th ^^

This evening certainly was quite entertaining
I had stayed back late to wait for Lynette, to go home with her
She told me that she would be finished by 4.30 and didn't come to class until 5.30
And only because she said that Audrey said that I was pissed
AHAHAHA.... I never knew me being pissed had such an effect
Erm. then. we went to the busstop
Dearest Audrey decided that she's take a taxi, and take Lynette, for free
So Lynette pang sei-ed me for a free cab ride
Hmpf.So I walked all the way to the mrt station
LOL. Had half a mind to nurse my grudge until monday
But cannot right?Cause I'll sit with Lynette soon.
No no no.Cannot offend her
Offending her can be worse than offending me
So erm yeah. Went to my mum's office at Buona Vista
I got brought up to her office by her colleague
I can't remember her name, C- something
But I've seen her around a lot of times
I walked right in...And saw A LOT of people
I've gone to my mum's office dozens of times and this
Is the first time that I've seen it so crowded
Better still, the lady who brought me up thought I was in sec3
Oh man, that was fantastic!
People used to think that I was in P4, when I was in P6^^
Haha... It's a changeAnd then, there're suddenly so many guys
LOL. I remember my mum complaining about some new intern
Who just can't learn the ropes
So I go to her room, damn cool right?
Got seperate room, even though the door's open all the time
And seat down, switch on tablet
Lo and Behold!
The battery can survive an hour
And Viona, (if she ever reads this)
:D I can rely on the time given by the computer
My battery is really socked.
Seems that jasmine's charger kinda righted it
ANYWAYS. as I was saying. erm. where was I?
oh yeah.the guys.i walked in.and i saw four guys.
i used to occasionally see one old guy shuffle pass
But this time, it's four young guys
it's got nothing to do with whether i like them or not, btw
i'm trying to make a point here, the next part's the best
So yeah.
No.1 - My battery is working wonders. 16% = 50 minutes
And it really lasted about 50 minutes
I told you my battery was damn pro right? Haha.
Then my mum comes back and starts complaining about her bigger boss
This young hotshot who really likes to dao them finance people, then my mum walked out
To talk to someone. Eileen or something. Some senior executive of,... something to do with finance...Erm. Planning? I think something like that
Since I was listening to music and going through geog notes,I wasn't exactly paying attention to what was going on
Besides, no one really paid attention to me
SO I heard, "Food...? 'blahblahblahblah'"
The first thing I asked when my mum came back was, "They were talking about me right?"
"no... they were offering food to you."
"oh."
"you said you won't hungry right?" Ok. My mum didn't say that.
But I'm sure that was on her mind
So I swivelled the chair and peered at the retreating backs of those two guys
Now that I think of it,I think they're trying to make a good impression on my mum
AHAHAHAHAHA.
She does kinda dictate how they survive work
Seeing that she's the biggest boss on that level
Omg. Damn funny
Oops. I type so much. Still got the taxi uncle and the zuo, you!
So yeah. After EVERYTHING.
My mum went to talk with Eileen, she was carrying her bag and stuff, ready to leave
I stood there, waited, waited, looked around the desks, comparing who was neated and such
And then replied my sms to azalea, which reminds me, AZALEA CHAN! YOU DAO MY SMS!Then my mum suddenly said goodbye and started walking away
"Ma! You're not supposed to abandon me!"
I have no idea what's so funny, but Eileen and my mum had to laugh. LOL
I was in a good mood, and I am still in a good mood now anyway.
SO. My left baby finger pain. So hard to use shift key. i don't capslock already eh!
we took a taxi home. it was this nice old uncle who was probably new to the job
since he didn't know where toh yi drive was.
"ma. put on your seatbelt leh"
"aiyah. i now don't already lah. don't need lah"
"wah ma. you bad example leh! Ben (my bro) next time how?"
"aiyah. nevermind lah..."
Then I started complaining about Tharman Sha- can't remember the spelling, but i can pronounce it!
and then about... about... shit...nvm.
fastforward to ten minutes laterwe are going up the drive and my mum can't remember what chinese word to say to turn"xia yi ge ke yi zuan... zuan... zuan..."
I was laughing inwardly... omg. my mum forgot what right in chinese was "you"
the nice old uncle supplied it. then i really started laughing
we got out of the taxi and my mum started commenting on taxi drivers that she detested
"the one last last week, he like wood lyddat. don't know whether he heard my instructions not!'"
"Then got that overly talkative (me: GAY!) man that really couldn't stop"
Me "so you saying that old uncles are the best taxi drivers lah?"
We were walking outta the lift and this sec sch guy was walking down, chatting real loudly on the phone
We stared for a second while I continued
"so i'll put, my mum thinks old uncles are good taxi drivers!"
"no.no. i mean..."
"except the chek co pek ones!"
now that guy was giving me a weird look.
was laughing too much to really care though
i've never seen him before. never
maybe i did once early in the morning
but if i don't recognize, he won't.
i hope

**my mum just came in to check on what i'm doing
"what's so funny? since when do you laugh when you read geog notes?"
Erm... since the day i told dad i was laughing because i read something stupid on the net...when i had been reading a blog post :D
"Just something i'm typing out. it just occured to me that it's kinda spastic"
"ey. blog is a serious thing! (since when?) you cannot blog about religious stuff, cannot blog about people, especially cannot blog about my boss and my bossess. (oops) and cannot blog too much about your mum (double oops)"
"orh. don't worry. no one can tell it's you one!!" (actually... i don't think so. she acts that way more than enough to strengthen the point that it is her.)haha.
**

then i continued,"you also can't forgot the pschotic ones!"
"the ones who love to complain about the government etc."
"the ones who nag a lot, like mr ho!"
Yes, I know. spastic. haha.
but i was laughing too much at my mum's reaction and my own dumb words to really care
I think i might have made a huge racket but wth.
the grandpa-guy who watches tv 24/7 needs a bit of spice in his life!
not to mention that i'm scared of his wife. i think she's his wife anyway
they cohabit.

oops. 9.57p.m.please note that if the time this is posted and the time is seems to be typed is different, think that it is friday night yeahs?muacks!P.S. I'm really on a selff-induced high right now. and i think i infected lynette with it as well. oh wells, damage done~!

oh. looks like i can go online after all. wtp. should have asked my mum earlier. my dad's sleeping early today, cause he has to pick up some college student at some unearthy hour. ahahaha.... and i suddenly urgently need the toilet. urgh. information overload?

2007-07-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

I spammed one tag on shermin's blog
and then a couple on azalea's blog
and i really wonder how many people come here
i mean, besides dropping a random tag on my board
do they actually read my posts?
oh wells, i guess it's a bit of 'privacy' for a public post
i'm just afraid that somehow, somewhere
my parents get hold of my blog url
and take a peek to read my posts
I mean, it contains a lot of stuff that I,
obviously won't tell them
haha....
omg.
cui xiao's back with my pbl report!
she now gets special mention in my posts for three days
wait.
nevermind
make it three weeks
there will be much to post about once we change seats
see how hannah handles cui xiao
and whether cui xiao will try to annoy hannah
it's kinda weird
at really bad days (unless i'm moody or something)
like only lynette and occasionally me can tolerate cui xiao at times
when she is super hyper
and it gets scaring after a while
i don't know how cui xiao manages it
haha.
i'm posting this because i know that cui xiao won't read this
:D
Let's make this a long long long post
And then build it up for the 80th post
this is the 79th post
left one more after this
i'll post tomorrow, if i can
ohh yeah.
i'll be going for the NDP preview tomorrow!
right after tuition
MOE took their sweet time in distributing the tickets
on good thing about your mum being the head accountant
we get big priority for events!
if not, i won't be able to go to the SYF opening
nor the NDP tomorrow
even if it means i have to wear red to tuition
and i'm the only girl
and i happen to have only one nice red-maroon shirt
which i want to wear on monday
oh yes. monday
let's see who's going to vivo to catch a movie
me, azalea, hannah, gladys, cui xiao, and maybe lynette
anyone who wants to join is welcome!
even though five teen girls are more than enough to create havoc
maybe...
minus cui xiao
she's actually quite 'guai' in some sense
lol.
anyways.
i still have once hour before lynette comes back
i promised audrey and lynette
that i'll wait until about 4.40 for them
maybe i'll go play the com's gameboy
or see if ninjaproxy would work for me again
there's something wrong with it
i somehow can't assess it again...
wahh...
anyone who has any idea how to fix it
is welcomed to help me!
then you can also get special mentions
because i need ninjaproxy to assess kpopvideo and download videos to watch
or maybe i'll go online late tonight
since my dad has to pick up some fellow college student
and the flight comes in at like,
11.15 p.m.?
HAHAHAHA.
I'll ask to use the com at about 9
I think no one would use it
I'll just say it's school work!
:D

2007-07-12T18:56:00.000+08:00

:D I'm sitting next to Lynette now
But I think still at the back
Cause Hannah can't see
But neither can Lynette
Argh. So mahuan
But on the light side,
I won't have to strain my neck,
Everyday turn back to talk to Lynette mah
Lynette!
You finally understand what's going on
Do you?
You got part of it right this morning during lit anyway
You just need to find out the mini details
Oh wells,
Now I need to send that poem thingy to Ms Seow
I forgot to hand in the one I had written out
Wasted effort
Bmpf

2007-07-12T12:29:00.001+08:00

I lost you.
And I'm not about to sturggle to get you back any more
I'm sick and tired of sitting at the sidelines
I'm sick and tired of watching you stumble
I'm sick and tired, of being pushed aside
Yes, I get your point
Can we then change our sitting places?
I hate being dao-ed by my once best friend
I hate it when you act as if nothing's happening
Don't be stupid
I was a friend
And I could have been your friend
But I can't be bothered any more
You're not worth the hurt
You no longer have any value
You're just my classmate
And distant acquaintance

2007-07-09T11:18:00.000+08:00

Stop it.
Just stop it.
You have it all at the tips of your hands
Don't rub it in.
I have feelings
She has feelings
But you don't appear to have feelings
Be happy with what you have
And you're got a lot
Don't cling on to the old one
It's not worth it.
Stop being stupid.
Stop being childish
And stop those fuckingly stupid mood swings of yours
I ain't gonna swallow that treatment for long
I've tolerated enough
Now it's your turn to choose
Whether you're gonna change
Or be a idiotic spoilt kid

2007-07-06T18:46:00.000+08:00

I'm in an unexplainable annoyed mood now
So if you don't want your ears scalded
I suggest you back off

Let's see.
First my dear partner
Yes, I give up
I don't care
I tried to keep it under wraps
I tried to just understand
So if you complain one more time
Be it about not being to meet your boy
Be it being about your parents
Be it being about too much homework
Be it being about that stupid indian cher
I'd be quite tempted to yell,
that you just shut the fuck up

I did warn you. don't give me shit.

and then there was the stupid mag picture
Yes, I'm hurt
You come and say
"EY! Rui Qi is art club right?
Mr Ho! Rui Qi also can."
Thank you.
It's fucking fantastic that you only say it
Is because I'm in art
Should I give a shit about it?
But then again,
seeing that I really am
Pushing myself into a deep hole
I might as well dig it a wee bit deeper

And then the science textbook she needed
In case you don't notice
I'm right beside you
I'm hurt.
You turn behind,
Firstly,
To the person you LOATHED
But then again
It's loathED. not loath
There is a difference

Fine. Thank a seemingly emo love song for this
Whatever
I need to vent
Besides, it's the only way others notice
Isn't it only like that?

And then dearest eng oral
My pet subject
I'm screwed
It always has to come crashing down again
When I think it's about to get better
I had to stutter
I had to choke
I had to pause
I just had to do that didn't I?
This, will be the only time I appreciate Y.O.
Thank you, you saved me for that time

And thank you too dad
For not being to pick up the signals
Or am I too good an actress now?
I was uncommonly edgy
You had to rub it into my face
Am I sure that you're my father?
No.

I'm not even sure who's my friend now
I love you Lynette.
You're always there
Which is what I need now.

Now to face my family, no?
I have to for my cousin's graduation celebration
Where's my maths holiday homework?
I need it.
I really need it.

2007-07-06T10:29:00.000+08:00

I changed my blog skin again
But I'm kinda still sorting out
The mess that the producer produced
So I'll take a while to customise it
I have to arrange the codes
Before I can make sense of it
If not, I still quite like the skin
A parody to what I quite stand for
but lol.
It's cute.

2007-07-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

lol people, go to the following link
http://fizzlebot.com/sinthai/room.htm
It's damn cool lah!
Harriet's trying to scare me
Thank God I have a bad stomachache
Or I would be much more affected by this
Oh. Got to go and click on that toilet bowl!

2007-07-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

Why one should never drink cold water when you have a fever

1. Your temperature goes up

2. Your stomach reacts violently to it

3. You get stuck in the toilet at 4 in the morning

4. You get the extreme cold when it is extreme hot

5. I'm running outta excuses... Erm. It makes you super grumpy
(I hate the cold and the pain. urgh)

What I'm doing now... I'm talking to Harriet about how many people she has dated and how many jio her. But she hasn't answered my question. That's why I have a short fuse! Who ask you to not reply?! Hmpf.

I'm just really really bored... Pardon me for my sudden randomness people! I need to go to school tomorrow, and there's lit. Like, wtp?

2007-07-04T16:14:00.000+08:00

"For a moment, I thought that we had overslept"
As quoted by my dad when he got home from fetching my mum to work
If I wake up at 3.15 a.m. with the temperature of 38.5 'C
Is that late?
So I went to drink cold water, wrong move
It appears that a fever, aversion to cold
It is not advisable to drink cold water
Then I went to take my temperature again
It went up by 0.2 'C to 38.7 'C
And I thought that cold water was supposed to help?
I was tempted to go online and crap
But damn headache had to surface
Oww. It's still annoying me
LOL.
Took panadol at 6, temperature dropped until 8 O' Clock
Then it rose again
But I didn't take panadol again
Maybe I can skip school tomorrow!
Haha...
I'm banking on that...
So yeah
Now I'm at home
It's damn cold
Even if my dad and sis claim that it's boiling
Even normal tap water feels like ice water
I have to chiong rushing my hand or some cutlery
Urgh
At least I finally finished my pbl survey charts
Now all I need is to send it to someone in my group
but that all not online
Crap.
Looks like I'll have to suffer the bright screen
And come online later to look for them...

2007-07-03T18:14:00.000+08:00

Haha...
Decided that I couldn't stand the purple...
It is, after all, the International GAY colour
Even if I love Sakura from CCS
I can't tahen it already
haha, I spent over an hour on my blog template
When I should have been rushing to draw something
For art.
Sorry Harriet
I just erm...
Got carried away
Can't believe how hard it can be to change some minor stuff.
LOL.
Now you people have to help suggest some stuff
From the 'wants' corner
I can't think.
Urgh.
Oh and,
I took Piuk down
Somehow doesn't work here
Somehow.
So if you can figure out how to put her on
Do tell me
A bug THANK YOU in advance
lol

2007-07-02T21:34:00.001+08:00

There's something wrong with
Piuk's dumb cat
For such a little thing
It sure shits a lot
I accidentally fed Piuk 4 pieces of her cat's dung
4 out of at least 10
Not too bad
Since I'm always taken by surprise
Urgh.
Be careful and don't feed dearest Piuk any dung ok?!
She must not die at my hands
Nor at the hands of whoever feeds it
If she becomes unhealthly
I swear I'll hunt you down and slice you to pieces!

*Now that was really random. And azalea's offline now. Urgh. now i have to gather courage and pick up the phone to call the scratchy phone line. Save me.

2007-07-02T21:25:00.000+08:00

Ouch.
Trying to pull the old me back is hard.
Maybe it's as the pastor says
We have to have discipline
And endure the complications
That God throws out way
If not,
How are we ever to learn
To grow spiritually?
Urgh.
Headache.
And Azalea has to dao me
Because of her mum
So now I don't dare rub it into his face
That he's not the therapist
But the-rapist
I might as well just call her
But I'm scared of her phone
It's got echoes of my voice
And occasionally I have to second-guess
What Azalea just said
Idiotic phone
Has to make my life more difficult
More difficult
Hah! Now you can't correct me like the other time
Anyways
Let's see if Azalea's off the hook
Or I'll fa feng
Trying to find out what could possibly have happened
Oh yeah.
I forgot
He should know
Damn it.
Be lazy and ask him
Or call Azalea and suffer the phone?
Shit.shit.shit.
I really hate that phone
But I barely survived a convo with him
Early last morning
Shit.shit.shit.
Argh.
Just call.
Might as well get offline before
I bore everyone to death
With my endless, random typed words
:)

2007-07-02T21:13:00.000+08:00

It's been great to meet you
And now that it appears I broke your heart,
you're daoing me
HELLOOOoo!!!?!?
Could you care to explain?
Who was the one who told me that you would still be my friend
You went back on your word
I should have known
You cunning damn kayak-er
Ass...
All the more I shouldn't be closer to you
Hmpf.

2007-07-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

Wait. Before I really type something good
I need to switch on Groban's songs
Can't believe I actually managed to neglect his songs
For two days.
I had to really fight with myself to keep a song of his,
out of my Japanese/Chinese songs' playlist.
He's english mah
Anways. Make this short
Dad's coming back soon
And I still have jianbaos to do

Life's been hectic this two weeks
Perhaps it has settled now?
Never before in my life,
Have I ever felt this useful to anyway
Haha. I'm serious.
It so sudden that I'm needed, and that we're closer
But then now that it looks like it's over
Maybe I'll just.. Just.
Just sink back to quiet oblivion?
I don't know.
I can't seem to be good at anything besides
being an aunt agony
Seems that I have more than enough training le
We'll see hunh?
I like being there for people and stuff
But its always that once it's over
I'm not needed
That's what I'm so afraid about
That one day I'll lose my usefulness
And it'll be back to the old primary school days again
But there's still Lynette

Who am I kidding?

I won't this up forever
Just pray that God will give me the strength
to believe in myself and face reality
I can't hide forever can I?

2007-07-01T01:01:00.000+08:00

It's one.
And my dad's watching tv.
and i'm holding conversations with daniel and pet
how did i end up to this
and no, i so did not influence pet lah!
the class influences me!
he's biased
i don't like you pet!
and i don't like you daniel!
urgh.
like brother.
like sister
and it's the truth

2007-07-01T00:03:00.001+08:00

It's twelve at night
It's a new day
AND. I haven't been kicked outta the study room
Wow. I really have set my record
Azalea just told me that she's gonna advertise my blog
Okayy... Mixed reactions here
More traffic, obviously might be diverted
But then a certain few that I don't want here
Will possibly find out the url
good grief
Let's pray then!
That they won't show up
And I won't be gan ga...

2007-06-30T23:33:00.000+08:00

My dad is humming some weird off-tune thing
And trying to do suduko
And for some odd reason
He's not chasing me off the net
Maybe he doesn't know what time it is
Nvm. I can rejoice anyway
It is kinda late
But I like staying up late
I'm starting to become nocturnal (did i spell it right)
Omg. I really need to get my dad's voicebox shut
Even if he saved me from the loss of the LAN forever

Omg.
Azalea.
Pause.
Breathe
Chill
Think
And stop daoing me?!

2007-06-30T11:39:00.000+08:00

60th post. Wow. I'm suddenly so fast past 50.
Good thing about huge things that take me by surprise
I can spend time blogging.
This blog actually might have a chance to change my blooging attitude afterall
Remember all the blogs I used to have?
I can't remember.
But vaguely, they all died before the tenth post
^^ I'm da pro last time

As quoted from Azalea's latest post, last night
and when i was at my lowliest lowliest lowliest, one person was always there for me. so thank you for calling. thank you for caring. thank you for telling me to take deep breaths. thank you for everything you've really really done for me. thank you RUIQI.

Don't worry Azalea! That's what your mei and friend is for! And I seem to be training to be an aunt agony hunh? AHAHA. Muacks. Love you much! Must remember to feed dear Piuk hor? Then I should make you put my name on your blog's love list hor? HOR. Haha. Just kidding. It seems kinda superficial now. OMG. My dad just took a look at my blog post. Better make this short. And tag! Hmpf.

I was intending to come online lst night. Had so much to do, and apologise to some people online. Matthew asked me how I was, and then, I went offline immediately. Haha. Very good timing, cause my dad just got home from bringing my bro to the playground. I didn't even say good bye. I've cultivated real good manners hunh?

Anyways, went to the SYF opening last night. All the shuai drummers and student volunteers. Five of them offered to carry the umbrella for my mum and me, my mum's friend and daughter. I was like, "Are we such delicate flowers?" Then shit, the guy behind had to hear that. Could hear them laughing around me, malu siia. But it was fun, was sitting just three seats behind the minister. The problem with my mum being such an important person in MOE. Bah. All around us were her bosses, her big bosses, her ex-bosses, her colleages, my dad's JC cher, and his JC cher's husband - who happens to be the ex-director gerneral of dunno-what. Urgh. Tough to remember. They kept asking if I had performed, or would I like to perform. I was like, "Okay... No, I haven't performed, and no, I don't think I'll be good enough to perform (now get off my back!)"

HAHA. Spent an hour and half talking to Azalea last night. She really can't multi-task. i.e. Chatting on msn and talking on the phone. She'd read out loud what she was typing that I had to decipher what was meant for me and what was meant for the person on the other end. Trying to sabo me right? Had to mention my name to daniel right?! Hmpf.

Anyways, hungry, and I still need to do lit. What scenes eh? Can't remember le...

2007-06-29T17:22:00.001+08:00

Anyways. On to something more cheerful
See that doll-doll thing beneath the tagboard
Do feed it the easter eggs when you come here!
Just click on the cat or the cart of food
And drag it to the girl there and let go
It's kinda cute.
Saw it in harriet's blog
Eh harriet
What's Sihui's new url eh?
i forgot to change it leh...

Sorry

2007-06-29T17:13:00.000+08:00

At the start, I thought that maybe it was a desperate attempt
Then as it progressed, I thought that maybe it had a chance
But stupid old naive me. I didn't listen hard enough
I didn't make sure that I was kept up to date
I didn't make sure that I kept our friendship alive
I take it personally, I might have been able to do something
If only, if only I hadn't let that seed of jealously take root
And write you that childish, petty letter last year
If only, if only. it's too late for regrets now
I have to make up to you
For not being there even though I had the chance
I'm sorry. That I didn't think too much about it
That I brushed it aside, until.
Until I learnt it was more serious
Until I learnt that you weren't exaggerating
Until it was too late
We'll have to help the other one yeah?
She won't listen to me, she won't even tell me
I can't do much for her
But since we've all grown a little closer,
Perhaps, perhaps we might just stand a chance
A chance to make sure that
She doesn't do anything foolish

2007-06-29T08:31:00.000+08:00

Honourable mentions on Azalea’s blog

- so then ruiqi threatened to cry too if i didn't stop crying. 8l womg oops, paiseh.
(June 25)
- thank you for friends like ruiqi and lynette who didn't pangseh me at kap. (:
(June 26)
- thank you ruiqi for acting normal.
(June 26)
- Ruiqi, for opening my eyes to what's going on and caring about me so much.
(June 28)

Wow. Haha. Suddenly now I get mentioned on Zae's blog. A first.
And cause we have so many problems now...
I hate the first week of term... Sian.
I haven't finished any homework
And am gonna chiong everything on Youth Day itself. Joy.
Do wish me lots of luck
I'm about to sign my school death warrant.

2007-06-29T07:04:00.001+08:00

This stupid post was typed last night when I was listening to...
An Jing by Jay Chou. Nothing to do with the song. Bah.

All I wanted was your approval
I thought that maybe my watercolour pieces would finally
Let you accept me for who I am
And not because I'm Her blood
And not because I'm your blood
I thought that maybe, finally you'll know that I'm good at something
That you aren't lying when you say I'm more inclined towards art
But no, it just had to be like that
After everything that's been piled on me
You don't bother to look at it until you see it
Lying dejectedly in a bright pink plastic bag
Peeking out from beneath my bed
And all you could comment, was that
I actually could do art
You know how much it hurts?
I thought that you really believed I had potential
Not that you were just covering for my lousiness
Yes I know. I could never have the discipline
Even if I can do as well as Her
But you had to tell me that I actually could produce art?
Did you? Was it intentional?
Or was it because you were really surprised?
So you were lying all the time?
That maybe I should take art next year?
Were you?
Besides your blood and Her blood
What more am I?
Besides being the first, the failure
What am I to you?
What am I?
Nothing ain't I?
I'm merely a nobody
Who did well in PSLE by sheer luck
Yes I know. I realise. Don't rub it in.
I'll never be better than the other two who have it all
Look. Brains. Heart
You don't say much about me to others
Yet you brag about Them when you can
It hurts. It stings.
That you pretend to care
That you pretend that I'm good
So that I won't think too much
But now I know don't I?
I'll always be your first
And a painful reminder.

2007-06-28T08:18:00.000+08:00

BAKA. BAKA. BAKA.
Fine. Make it BAKAS
What's up with this mess?
This, Matthew, is a reason as to why
I refuse to commit myself to anything right now
Haha. You can't bluff me
I know you know my blog
After all. If Chris got here.
You can to...
Unless he's that too.
Haha...
Anyways, now's science
The only thing I'm interested in
Is why sound and music are important in our lives
Serious. It concerns music
So I'm interested
Haha. I really should remember
Since this is bloody physics
(why do we need to produce a high pitched sound?)
(I can't. No, I can. But only impromtu, lol)
Ok ok. I'll end this random post and take down notes

2007-06-27T22:11:00.000+08:00

You know what?
I should never have opened myself up
I should never have made more friends
I should have just stuck to the old routine
- Find loyal loner friends
- Stick with them
- Don't add anything extra
- And all will be fine.
Why? Oh why did I change fomula?
WHY?!
I give up.
I was there.
But I'm no use am I?
Cause I have no experience, not mature enough
In dealing this
Fine. I'm not good enough
I quite get your point
I'm NOTHING okay?
I'm a piece of decorative thrash
Something that further promotes you
Something that makes you look good
Don't worry. I'm not angry at you
I'm pissed.
That I fell into the same trap again
Why me?

2007-06-27T21:58:00.000+08:00

My mum just came in
And I had typed out, "Am I flirting?"
Shit. Deep shit. I need to change url
Anything
Get her off my back!
Damn MSN.
You screw my brain up too much
Sit down and breathe.
I was kidding
Anyways...
haha...
Azalea, your offer about speech day and him still on?
If not, I have to block him forever
:P Maybe I should do that.
Aiyah...
Now that the english thing is over...
I can breathe a bit
Still got lit tho
Wikipedia, here I come!
But I need to sleep
Tomorrow lah
After my mum kill me
She's bound to moniter me closely le
I should never have called her ytd
She overheard Justin and Azalea talking
wtp. how did i do that?!

2007-06-27T20:15:00.001+08:00

How can I receive four e-mails in three hours? I have no idea. Couldn't go and check cause I'm on msn and it interferes with my connection. Apparently the EVIL msn eats up a lot of innocent little packets for my connection. HMPF.

I was just telling my family about the comments from my classmates about my hair. It's kinda funny. Okay. I need to quote Petrina, and the reply I gave her. HAHA.

(On Pet's tagboard)
Petrina : -
haha eh your new hair looks... different. like, more jap-ish and bimbo-ish and er, (SLIGHTLY) emo-ish!

Me : -
okayy... I guess 'jap-ish, bimbo-ish and emo-ish' is better than a mushroom. thank sam for that. tho i do resent that i look like a bimbo to you... bahh
(okay. It doesn't sound bimbo-ish, does it?)

Petrina : -
HAHA. see, i give such good comments! ;D

Me : -
you give bad comments that happen to be a tad better than others'. how about that?

Petrina : -
eyyy noooo!! very good one okayyy!!! hmph.

Me : -
ahaha... okayy. it's good, it's good. let's omit the part about the more bimbo-ish hair! haha....

And this is where we currently are on her tagboard
So yeah.
Lynette commented that I looked like a secondary one/primary student when she first saw me. Hmpf. Haha... It's good to look young right?
Then Sam said it made me look like a mushroom. Okayy... As long as it's not that 'eww' black mushrooms, then can.
Then... I can't remember who saw it was nice to play with
Someone just said it was nice, was it you Azalea?
Hahas. Anyway. Need to chiong my Lost compo
Hoping that if Lynette gets to school early enough, we can beat ms Seow yeah?
Buh-bye...
I have forty-five minutes left

2007-06-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

Went to KAP (King Albert Park) to eat McDonalds today. Was with Azalea, Hannah and Lynette. It rather appears that we're suddenly hanging out together more. We were chionging out packing of bags and conversations, afraid that the science cher will come and make us sit for that science test thingy, starts with 'c'. it just slipped my mind. Then when half the class was gone, we decided that the cher would not be coming any time soon, hopefully.

Hannah offered to sponsor our taxi ride to get their faster. I still remember that it cost $7.10 I got so good memory right? Haha.

Let's count... How many guys were supposed to show up? 2. Who? Chris and Justin. Which was kinda bad. Since me and Lynette were like kinda, outta the small sharing group between Hannah and Justin about erm. stuff. I'm traumatised by it already. Don't ask! Just let your imagination run wild lah!

Then there was this auntie that said, "No writing materials here!" Diao. Tablet can be considered as paper and ink eh? "Are you here to do homework." Err. Kinda. But I want to eat first!

Chris showed up halfway at about... 2.50? We were already finishing out food. Not including Lynette anyway. Hannah thought it was me that bought that. What's it? The big big meal. of spicy chicken or something. Some set lah. Cost Lynette $6.45. I think. ;P FIY hannah. I don't need to eat that to survive.

*
Why I hate buying food at public places with secondary school students(especially McDonalds)

1. My order for McChicken became Fillet o' fish. Don't ask me how. At least the chirpy guy got my order correctly at the second time I went down

2. There's a damn lot of people to walk past while on the way down, and up.

3. I look like a pig, having so much on my tray. Not that all's mine, but still.

4. I just feel nervous. I never liked big crowded places when I have to walk alone. Don’t worry. It's just human-lonely syndrome.
*

Okay erm. Went off-point for a while. Yeah. Lynette was like, "I need to hurry up eat and zao!" HAHA. She's still (somehow) awkward around the 'other halves' of girls. LOL. Don't worry Lynette, you'll get over it soon! I can empathise with you! ;D

Now where was I? So when we were done, Lynette wanted to scram, quick. But she stayed, cause of me! (yeah. I’m da best!) But we moved over to where we were actually allowed to do homework. Five of us occupy one long table for seven people. Good right? Must count bag, tablet, a bit of French fries and drinks.

And if what Azalea and Hannah claimed that Hann told Chris is true, I beg to differ. Please lah Zae! Whatever it is, you and hann are the chio ones!

Then me and zae went to the toilet, or was it before hann’s comment? Yeah. That zae claimed she saw Karl, a skinnier version of Karl, or so she says anyway. Then… then. Oh yeah. Zae said something about boys looking at something. Couldn’t quite catch her. Stupid door. I’ll ask her tomorrow. If she remembers. She had better, make my life difficult for one afternoon siia.

Then… Yeah. Hannah and Chris went off to, I quote “a private place to talk”. Zae got worried, and I got worried because Zae HAD TO BE worried. Okay. So then, at about 3.30, Zae got… Slightly hysterical. Okay fine. Pissed? I don’t know lah. Because it had been half an hour and Justin still wasn’t there. He got there like ten-fifteen minutes after she said that? Yeah. It was freaky. They all show up behind me, so I have to turn around and suddenly see their face looming in my vision. Am I exaggerating?

*Heck heck. I’m trying to finish this before my dad goes to fetch my mum from work. Then I can illegally use the router and go online and post. And maybe my e-mail pal would have replied my e-mail!*

So I was doing maths (really doing maths. But I skipped some questions that didn’t need algebra, and Lynette thought I was obsessed with algebra.

*WHATEVER. I like algebra. So fun!*

I did maths, azalea did her cheem Chinese compo, Justin did his… A maths homework that hadn’t been given out? Can’t remember, and then Lynette was playing pokemon pinball, and doing her best to dao Justin. I KNOW LYNETTE. YOU CAN’T HIDE IT FROM ME! So I ended up suddenly freaking Lynette out with random/maths questions. A mix of both mah. Then there was this maths question. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I was staring at it for ten minutes and wondering why I suddenly could not do cross-factorization (azalea told me that it could be cross-factorised). So I asked Lynette, who wisely put her game into pause mode. Then I don’t know how, but then Justin went to try the problem. So I ended up talking to Azalea, who had by then finished her Chinese compo and was attempting to start on her second half of specimen paper 3.

So Justin stared at it for what seemed like an eternity (doesn’t it sound nice? Like an eternity…) and went to check the answer. It appeared that Azalea GOT IT WRONG. And I didn’t have to cross-factorise the damned thing. Sheesh. Haha. Made Azalea ‘feel bad’ cause she turned out to be the… the what eh? Can’t remember also, maths addled my brain.

*Shit. Almost 1000 words long le. Better finish this quick. And my dad’s going outta the house*

So then… Azalea and Lynette had McFlurry, and I had chocolate milkshake. Which meant that I had to go down AGAIN to buy the McFlurry and milkshake, not good, because I have to walk past at least twenty secondary/jc students. Freaky. I should have spared myself the pain and not gone and bought a drink. Serious, somehow, I got real nervous every time I had to order. I almost mispronounced McFlurry!

Haha… This is a real long post. Gonna finish soon. Promise.

So then, we decided to leave at about 5-plus. Cause Lynette still had to take the bus home, Justin’s dad told him to get back at 5.15, and I had to be home before 6. Azalea’s mum was gonna pick her up at 5.30 so she was safe.

Then Justin tried to jay-walk across the road, under the highway to get to the other bus stop. By the way, why was he wearing shades? But then he couldn’t find a good opportunity to cross, so he had to walk and wait for the traffic light to turn green. HAHA. I walked home. It’s so close. Like a ten minutes stroll home. Good exercise to make up for no mass-run today bah. Anyways, my dad just left the house. Now to face the internet world again…

*excluding this sentence, the post will be 1160 words long. Ain’t I good*

*Oh, and this is the 5oth post! Haha. Thank you Lynette! For waiting for me to finish the first half of the specimen paper before leaving. Oh, and you still owe me the four hundred plus pics that I took from Sarawak leh!

2007-06-25T08:55:00.000+08:00

The problem with sitting next to two people who are/were in love
Or according to them, they are/were
I don't know whether my overloaded brain can tahen already not
Then got stupid Matthew who can't remember my name, or my age
Wait. Not that I remember whether I told him not
But nevermind, I can push the blame to him.
Should I make this a super short post, and hit my fiftieth post the next one?
I should really type about church camp, anything to get it off my back
Nevermind, this will be super short, and I'll have to reply Matthew.
And try to tahen more of these lovey-dovey stuff.

2007-06-18T09:58:00.000+08:00

LOL.
There comes a time when evern Groban becomes...
*horrors of horrors*
Depressing.
I'm dead serious.
It's not his old cds that kill me
But his new cd too!
Now...
Should I break down into tears
Yes yes.
I do remember when it rains
Don't be sad about being in the darkness
You're in the limelight ALL the time
Take it as a break
Haha.
I'm 'replying' some of his lyrics
From 'Remember When It Rained'
Love songs... Love songs...
I still think I prefer the non-english songs
Lyrics-wise
Wait.
I did come to post about my playlist
Erm.
I know it's something to do with my chronic cold pain
Oh yeah.
You people do know that I have a weak stomach right?
Anyways. primary classmates might know
If they paid attention during the PSLE period
Early in the morning I wake up
Then the cold just overwhelms me
But nothing happens until I eat my breakfast
*Is someone bad mouthing me?!*
*I just sneezed five times in a row*
*make it six*
*Give me a break*
*I'm going out later!*
Oh yeah. Where was I?
Then I get plagued by...
Stomach pain
It's the damned cold air
Now I'm getting the same problem again
I thought it disappeared for good
I detest going to the toilet three times in a row
Once every half and hour
I'm getting dehydrated
BMPF. where's my life?

When I am down; and oh, my soul so weary
When troubles come; and my heart burdened be
When I am still and wait in the silence
Until you come and sit a while with me...

Then it goes

You raise me up...

Well, any self-respecting person should know the lyrics
How can you not?!
Especially since Groban sung it at least a hundred times
Poor critter

Oh yes, and I have cut my hair
Actually it was more of layering
That took the bulk of my hair off
Wahh... A bit heart pain
Reminds me of the two bimbos in church
And I'm gonna get new specs!
Hope it's okay
Couldn't see properly from afar
Duh. If not why would I need specs?
Anyways
Better go prepare for later
My hair's still kinda proffy
Cya~

2007-06-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

I need to start out with an important question
Well, it's important
Because I don't intend to get my brain fried
When I get back to school or when I see you, that is
Who likes...
Wait, would you people even know who he is?
Nevermind, I'll just pose this question
I'm being kiasu here, I care for my life
Who likes Michael Buble?
Maybe the simpler question would be to ask
Who knows who he is?
What kind of genre does he usually sing/excel at?
Coming to the truth,
I've only heard two of his songs,
To my knowledge that he sang it anyway
Not that I have anything against his singing,
I still prefer Josh any day.
Oh, back to what I wanted to say...
Erm. Oh yeah.
I wanted to comment about him
Oh yeahs.
If you love him to bits,
Just the same way Karen love JJ
or maybe I love Josh
Don't read my next line. or next few lines

I need to look for a picture

To illustrate my point

Nevermind, I'll take an idiotic screenshot
On his performance at Oprah's show

Seeing that I can only find professional pics

Erm. There! My first thought, is that really the famous jazz/blues singer Michael Buble.

*Cough* Meaning, I thought that maybe he'd spuce up his image or something...

No offense right...? I hope.

Who knows Carrie Underwood?

Frankly speaking. I don't.

I only know her because she was singing with Buble, Tony Bennett and Groban. Jazz. Boo~

But Tony's cool. Oh, the song's called For Once In My Life. He's such an old geezer yet he sings with... erm. Nevermind. Old man but cool yeah?

And this is her. Quite chio I guess. But she freaked me out when she tried an uber high pitch. Something that Juliene would definitely be better at than Carrie. LOL. I actually wanted to start out with something about my church camp, but ended up with this odd post on a couple of artistes. Oh wells, on to another post then.